True Blood: Ring, ring, hookah. Ring, ring.

12 Jul

Lafayette peddling his precious V.

This week’s episode, “9 Crimes,” centered on Sookie’s developing dependence on Alcide, who, let’s face it, is a mighty fine man. We also saw Bill tell Sookie that he never wants to see her again. Good riddance, Beehl. Franklin furthered his hold on an already weak Tara, holding her captive and glamouring her into giving him information about Sookie and Bill.Lafayette almost got jumped when a V deal nearly went bad, but Eric swooped in to save him.

Jason didn’t really do anything, but Hoyt saw Jessica talking to a boy (a boy she was actually glamouring to prevent her parents from finding out her real fate) and got sad. Fangtasia got raided for V, and when questioned, Eric promptly blamed everything on Bill and fled while Pam was strung up and burned with silver. Oh, and Sam’s going to continue to allow his disgusting “family” to park their van near Merlotte’s. What a generous soul.

Highlights:

  • Bill telling Lorena: “It’s been a long night, and I need to sleep. Now get the fuck out.” Then he punched her all the way out of his room.
  • Eric’s fantasizing about Sookie – very sexy. She smelled his memories and said that he smelled “like the ocean in winter.” Mmm, Nordic men.
  • The fact that Franklin was considerate enough to leave Tara tied up on the toilet without her pants on truly impressed me.
  • After Eric flew out of Lafayette’s car, Lafayette says: “Oh hell – what am I supposed to do with this fucked-up-ness?”

Lowlights:

  • Franklin creepily sticking his tongue on Tara’s.
  • Sookie pounding those shots of whiskey at Lou Pine’s – ew.
  • Alcide’s ex-fiance Deb looked like she stepped out of 1985, complete with huge curled bangs and an oversized leather jacket.
  • Bill’s “procuring” of the husbandless, childless stripper. I felt bad for her – especially when her blood started leaking from the door of the limousine.

Questions for next time:

  • Why were all of those men turning into werewolves? Can Alcide not control his shifting?
  • What does the King of Mississippi want with Sookie?
  • Can Tara and her horrible life get more horrible?

Here’s a preview of next week’s episode, “Trouble”:

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Knight & Day: Tom Cruise is Somehow Still Hot.

7 Jul

Tom Cruise, somehow still hot.

While viewing the latest offering from Scientologist/professional couch-jumper Tom Cruise, I could not help but think: damn, Tom Cruise is still hot. I was truly shocked at how well he has managed to preserve both his face and body. (And it hopefully has nothing to so with a weird Scientologist anti-aging practice – eek.) At 48, Tom still has “it,” whatever that “it” is.

Looking at Cruise’s IMDB page, he hasn’t really been in a lot of movies. Apparently, he’s only been in 33 movies in the last 29 years. That seems a little unbelievable for someone who has been called the biggest movie star in the world. I think my favorite Tom Cruise movie has to be a tie between Interview with the Vampire and Mission: Impossible (the first one). Despite what many people may think, Tom Cruise can actually act, and I am definitely looking forward to Mission: Impossible IV (his next movie, due out sometime next year).

But what is Knight & Day about, you ask? It doesn’t really matter. Basically, Cameron Diaz plays a woman who likes restoring cars trying to go home to Boston for her sister’s wedding. And Tom Cruise is a highly-skilled spy who intervenes in her life only to make things much more complicated. The movie also involves a high-tech item that a bunch of bad guys want (typical), Peter Sarsgaard as a villain (even more typical), and lots of explosions and non-believable jumps from far distances (most typical). This movie was very entertaining and did not need to be anything else, really. Plus, it raised my opinion of Tom Cruise, which had been very low for some years now. It was the Scientology recruitment video that had lowered it for me, in addition to the rumor that he stood no more than 5’7″ and wears massive lifts in his shoes. But he was married to Nicole Kidman (a fellow Amazon goddess) and they never looked too ridiculous together in pictures. Katie Holmes is also around 5’10”, so it can’t really be that bad. Cameron Diaz is also very tall, but she and Cruise look at each other eye-to-eye throughout the movie.

Oh, I also wanted to mention that Cruise still does a lot of his own stunts, which impresses me very much for someone who is considered an old man by Hollywood standards. He also has a really good body and the same cute face he’s had forever. I know how gross this probably all sounds, but if you’ve ever had even the smallest inkling that Tom Cruise was at some point and time attractive, Knight & Day will re-confirm that notion for you. Also, it’s just a good summer movie in a sea of failure that Hollywood is dead set on shoving down our throats this year. It has some pretty funny lines and a lot of Tom Cruise action sequences a la Ethan Hunt.

So God bless America for giving us Tom Cruise, his smile, and his bod. But not so much for the craziness.

Grade: B+

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Feminists Can Dance On Bars, Too. So There.

5 Jul

Let’s be honest – I’ve been cutting loose ever since the man I loved ripped my heart out of my chest, stomped all over it, and then set it on fire. The solution to this pain? Dancing in/on bars. I’ve realized that I’m a good dancer, and I will make no apologies for behavior that may be deemed “slutty,” “un-ladylike,” or “inappropriate”.

Last night, DJ Moe challenged 15 girls to dance on the bar, and whoever danced the longest would get two free shots. I just HAD to win. I was up there for a good 30 minutes and had made it into the top three girls. However, Moe decided to fail us all after he decided that it had gone on for too long. Hence, no free shots. But someone gave me some flowers:

Flowers from some guy.

Anyway, some people have tried to tell me that dancing on a bar is in opposition with my strong feminist views – these people have no idea what they’re talking about. To me, there is nothing more empowering than having the right to dance on a bar if I’d like to. Another person also said that a true feminist would not accept drinks purchased for her by men. Not so. You do not have to accept a drink from a man if you don’t want to talk to him/don’t think he’s attractive. That is also a right women have – I have not accepted drinks from every man who has offered me one.

I know it sounds lame, but one thing I’ve always wanted to do is go-go dance in a club and get paid for it. I love dancing, so why shouldn’t I get rewarded for it? Without much further ado, video of me dancing to a stereotypical bar song:

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True Blood: I Got Your Rug All Wet.

29 Jun

Eric Northman - we need more of him.

Last night’s episode kind of bored me except for all of the sex! I mean, has there ever been more sex in one episode of True Blood? Let’s break it down (the sex, that is):

  • The show opened with Tara having sex with Franklin, the latest vampire to come to Bon Temps. I really couldn’t stand Tara’s non-realistic orgasms. I mean, her eyes were rolling into the back of her head. Come on. No one, not even a vampire, could give someone such a ridiculous, lame, over-reactive orgasm.
  • Pam was interrupted by Jessica calling her on the phone while performing cunnilingus on the Estonian dancer girl (the same one Eric did for six hours in the season premiere), saying ever-so-sultrily, “Fangtasia. This better be good.”
  • In one of the most horrifying scenes ever on TV, Bill hatefucked Lorena, all the while screaming, “Never, never!!!” Then he twisted her neck around so her head was on the opposite side of her body. No fucking joke.

Wasn’t that horrific? Love it!

Other highlights of this episode:

  • Eric killing a werewolf in Sookie’s house, leading him to notice, “I got your rug all wet.”
  • Eric helping Sookie bury the dead werewolf and admitting that werewolves are a major challenge to his strength – Eric’s more sensitive side is showing this season.
  • Arlene going to the OB/GYN only to find out that her baby is close to ten weeks old. Uh-oh. (i.e. It’s probabaly not Terry’s kid. Sad.)
  • Jason: “There are two kinds of people in the world, people who got no dreams, people who got dreams and don’t do nothing about it, and people who go out and fulfill their dreams and I’m the third kind.”
  • Eric gifting Lafayette with a car for being his top seller of V.
  • The addition of Alcide as Sookie’s werewolf protector (as assigned by Eric).
  • The preview of the next episode, showing Sookie and Eric kissing – yes, please.

Lowlights:

  • Any scene with Tara. Hopefully now that Eggs is in the ground she’ll wise up and stop acting like an eye-rolling tantric sex freak.
  • Sam’s dad’s underpants. I hope that guy isn’t a serious method actor, because it does look like someone made real skid marks in those nasty things. (Oh, and what the hell is going on between Sam’s dad and brother? I sense incest.)
  • Not enough Eric.
  • Not enough Lafayette.
  • Bill declaring his loyalty to the King of Mississippi = ew.

The next episode, “9 Crimes” will air on July 11th. This preview got me very excited – I can tell this season will be a vast improvement over the last.

Good god, this looks amazing. The Bill wanting to kill Eric plot is making me trip out.

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On Things Unrequited (Especially Love)

27 Jun

I'm thinking about getting this as a tattoo.

Something prompted me to write this entry tonight – something I cannot quite grasp while I am still in the throes of a reactive anger that left me wanting to dance it out (kind of like “hug it out,” but for people who like to dance) at my favorite club.

Anyway, let me start out by saying something I’ve thought about a lot lately – I loathe men. All of them, really. Not one seems to have any qualities I would desire in a romantic partner, and the one that did changed his mind about me a long time ago. In the last seven months, I’ve had time to think, to vent, to cry, and to generally feel like crap, and I wish I could say it were over, but it’s not. I see no light at the end of the proverbial tunnel – I see no chance at finding someone I could say “I love you” to and mean it again. I’m being held in a state of mourning by some force that wants to teach me a lesson. A cruel, endless lesson that will likely only be useful after I’ve left my youth behind.

What has spurred on my loathing of the heterosexual man? It appears to me as though many men lack any sense of follow-through and/or ability to be honest when it is most vital.  A lack of communication skills is perhaps the most salient problem among the young men I have come into contact with. The lack of willingness to take responsibility for one’s actions (and speak for those actions) is perhaps the greatest problem that plagues our society. American society is producing individuals who want instant gratification – the concept of hard and honest work is nearly lost on my generation. I am not referring to honest work simply in the sense of work work, but in the sense of working toward honest, beautiful relationships with your fellow man. Last weekend I met someone who had sparked within me a feeling of joy I hadn’t felt in a long time. He was smart, funny, kind of a nerd (just like myself), and liked Leonardo DiCaprio movies. We hung out on both Saturday and Sunday, but by Monday, he had decided he didn’t like me anymore. He didn’t actually say this – someone else decided to play messenger, though I believe I already knew this when he didn’t text me the next day. And of course, I still have a lingering interest in this person – a crush that I hope will go away as soon as possible. By the time I started typing this sentence, a gag reflex that surfaces when I think of this person has already developed, thank goodness.

I want to simply like someone so badly. I want to remember what a first kiss is like, what the nervousness you feel when you first get close to someone is like once more. But I can’t now. I have to wait. I am still very much in love with another – someone who has all but forgotten everything about me, including the fact that he has had my entire heart since the day we met three summers ago.

Heartbreak is truly the most painful emotional trial I have ever been through. It hurts even more when you realize that the one you love has likely forgotten all about you and the love you shared. He’s probably whispering the same sweet nothings I once heard into the ear of someone else. Unfortunately, we should all get the chance to feel this way. Without knowing pain, there is no such thing as knowing love.

So, in the meantime, I am trapped in the interim between love and loathing and being subjected to shallow encounters with shallow people that truly lead nowhere. I am in a holding pattern; an endless cycle of disappointment that always brings me back to thinking of someone who never thinks of me. End rant.

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True Blood: Mr. Northman, Will You Please Come In?

21 Jun

The third season of True Blood is off to an amazing start. Last night’s episode followed Bill in his continued effort to escape his kidnappers, while Lafayette takes a suicidal Tara to visit his own mother in an institution. Also, Jessica attempts to dispose of the dead body she still has hidden in the floor, and Eric talks vampires and Nazis with Sookie.

Other highlights:

  • Blood bisque and blood gelato served by the Vampire King of Mississippi.
  • The flashback to World War II with Eric and Godric posing as SS members.
  • The revelation that Sam’s brother is also a shapeshifter.
  • Sookie’s impression of Bill: “I keep expecting him to come through the door and say, SOOKEH.”
  • Eric, at seeing Sookie cry, saying:”Please don’t do that. It makes me feel disturbingly human.”
  • Bill throwing a lit candle at Lorena (Um, where the hell did she come from?)
  • “Mr. Northman, will you PLEASE come in?” Enough said.
  • Snoop Dogg’s “Oh Sookie” music video. He’s so fucking serious, it’s amazing.

And some pressing questions for next week:

  • Who (or what) moved the body Jessica had in the cellar?
  • What’s the deal with Franklin Mott (the newest vampire to come to Bon Temps who helps Tara beat up on some bad dude)? Is he good, bad, or good at being bad?
  • Will Sam be able to trust his biological parents? What about his shapeshifter brother?
  • Will Sookie take up Eric on having some “primal, passionate sex’? I will if she doesn’t.
  • Is Bill ever making it back to Bon Temps? More importantly, will anyone care?

Here’s the promo for last week’s episode, “Beautifully Broken”:

Oh, and Snoop:

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A Dire Situation: My Anthropologie Obsession

16 Jun

I've wanted this for what seems like decades.

If you’ve met me somehow in this life, you likely are aware of my love of shopping and fashion. I enjoy wearing unique, stylish clothing that flatters my figure and generally makes me happy. It’s hard to explain how clothing can make one happy, but I suppose I can try to make sense of it by writing about one of my favorite stores.

One store that has become a favorite is the Urban Outfitters spinoff, Anthropologie. I first got turned on to this store when I noticed that every amazing piece of clothing and jewelry owned by one of my close girlfriends came from there. If you’ve ever stepped foot into an Anthropologie store, you may still be completely unaware of its connection to its oldest, and grungiest cousin, Urban Outfitters. The merchandise in Urban has become more strange and of less quality of late. I would frequently visit the Urban Outfitters on Broadway between Houston and Bleecker and nearly always leave with nothing but for a lingering feeling of annoyance. Everything seemed either too tight, too hipster-ish, too weird, or looked too much like it had made a cameo appearance on Cops. In stark contrast to the tragedy that has befallen Urban Outfitters, Anthropologie emerged as a beacon of light for women in their early twenties who are caught somewhere between Abercrombie and Ann Taylor.

Anthropologie stores are typically decorated in a whimsical, natural theme reminiscent of a fairy tale forest. More importantly, the stores usually always smell amazing, mainly due to the fact that they carry candles and incense, which are typically lit and displayed at the front of the store. Anthropologie stores also tend to have a home-like feel – the store displays furniture and bedding also for sale.  I’ve had nothing but positive experiences shopping in the stores – the staff is always happy and eager to help you find something new. The best Anthropologie store I’ve ever been to is the Rockefeller Center store, located adjacent to the GE building on the 6th Avenue side. The most important thing about Anthro (as it is known by its frequent customers) is their collections of unique and beautiful pieces of clothing, purchased from independent designers and vendors.  Anthropologie has gained a reputation for being quite expensive – I will admit that Anthropologie is not for frugal shopping, but if you want to wear beautiful, well-made clothing, you’ll eventually find that such a thing does not come cheap. I look at buying fashion both as an investment and a hobby.

Not everyone can wear Anthropologie pieces. Many people who know me may have noticed my willingness to wear things that many people probably would not or simply cannot wear. Bold dressing is a part of my personality, and Anthropologie makes it easier for me to dress in a manner that expresses the strength of my personality.

The dress in the upper left-hand corner is something I’ve had my eye on for a while. Now that I actually have a real job (and funemployment is suspended), I’ll probably pick it up within the next few weeks.

Here are some other items that portray the Anthropologie aesthetic (not to mention items from my wish list):

An intricate floral cardigan.

A pretty raffia headband - not for the faint of heart.

Big, chunky necklaces.

A poufy halter dress with Meso-American embroidery.

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Get Him to the Greek and My Love of Aldous Snow

8 Jun

Aldous and Aaron, BFF.

I could not tell whether Russell Brand was acting during Get Him to the Greek.  The latest comedy offering from what appears to be a growing Judd Apatow and friends dynasty, Get Him to the Greek is the second film to feature Aldous Snow, the character that made Russell Brand kind of famous.

Aldous Snow is a character created by Jason Segel for the 2008 film Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Aldous is a recovering drug addict and alcoholic British rock star, hovering somewhere between stupidity and total genius. The concept of Get Him to the Greek is quite simple – Aaron Green, a young, ambitious intern at Pinnacle Records has an idea to get Aldous Snow, lead singer of the band Infant Sorrow, to perform at the Greek Theater in Los Angeles to mark the tenth anniversary of Infant Sorrow’s Live at the Greek Theater. Coming off a disastrous record, “African Child” (called “the worst thing to happen to Africa since apartheid”), which involved a terrible video in which Aldous wanted to look like a “white African Jesus from space,” Aldous is in desperate need of a comeback, and Pinnacle Records is looking to make some serious money.

The only problem is that Aldous, after splitting from his pop star wife Jackie Q (Rose Byrne, who hilariously sings a song about how tight her, you know, is.), has gone off the wagon and is living recklessly in London. Aaron is then sent by his boss Sergio (Diddy, who actually does a good job) to London to escort Aldous to the Greek. What follows is nothing short of the sort of mischief and mayhem that is expected in the Apatow family of films. Aldous brings Aaron along for a no-holds-barred 48 hours of drugs, sex, and debauchery, in turn complicating Aaron’s relationship with his girlfriend Daphne (a very awkward-acting Elizabeth Moss).  The film later turns into a commentary on the importance of love and how it far outweighs the fast-paced rock star lifestyle. This message would have been fine with me, if I weren’t in a perpetual state of romantic cynicism at such a young age.

I’ve decided that Aldous Snow could be one of the greatest characters ever created, even though Russell Brand appears to never be acting. At a key moment in the movie, Aaron points out to Aldous, “you’re nothing more than a junkie, but you’re smart, so you make it sound good.” Indeed, Aldous is a raging idiot with a drug problem, yet very lovable. I’ll expect to see more of him in what I’m dubbing “the Judd Apatow Universe”.

My favorite part of the movie involves a failed drug run, but I left the movie wondering if a “Geoffrey” was a real thing. Please see this movie to find out what I’m talking about.

Grade: B+

Cleanup Required: Bad Kissing and Its Victims

1 Jun

A famous kiss in history, no cleanup required.

We’ve all been there. You’ve been flirting heavily with a certain guy or girl throughout the day/night and things seem promising. That’s right: you have a make out session on the way. The make out session is the thing of junior high, high school, and college, of summers past and present, of work breaks and office holiday parties. Unfortunately, the make out session always has the potential to go horribly wrong.

I had one recent make out session that disappointed me like no other before. First off, and I have no idea why, this guy prefaced our encounter with the stunner, “I’m very picky about who I make out with.” Um, okay? What is that supposed to mean? I have some inkling that he was trying to portray his kissing abilities as first-rate and that I should somehow feel lucky, but instead, he came off like a smarmy a-hole. And how picky could he have been anyway? I’m no supermodel (as close as a human can be), but this guy should have felt lucky to have me talking to him at all, especially since I had witnessed his lame dance moves to retro house music. This guy also talked way too much about house music. He was trying to explain the difference between techno and house to me, but I kind of did that thing when you space out and keep saying, “yeah” every couple of minutes.

I soon found out why he is likely “picky” about whom he makes out with. He’s such a bad kisser that he probably wants to limit his failure to a few people so the truth will not come out. You know that nervous feeling you get when someone leans in to kiss you? I totally had that until…I was attacked by a roving tongue. My expression instantaneously changed from excitement to disgust. This guy was using WAY too much tongue. It was as though he was using his tongue to search my mouth for the cavities that my dentist may have overlooked at my checkup last month. There’s nothing wrong with the right amount of tongue kissing, but this was completely overwhelming. It was like a spinning propeller gone rogue in my mouth. Not pleasant at all. I recently read an article in Cosmopolitan (go figure) that described how men get turned on by sloppy saliva-soaked kissing. I simply don’t understand how this can be. And even if it is true, shouldn’t they ask the girl they’re kissing what they like first, before they get all crazy sloppy with it?

When it was over (I tried to cut this whole thing short) I felt as though I needed a dishtowel to soak up the excess saliva left in and around my mouth. This guy seemed really pleased with himself, even though he was too dumb to take a hint when I kept closing my mouth. I later found out that this guy was a bit older than he had told me, and had likely lied about his age because he knew I was younger and wanted to seem more appealing. However, all this tells me is that there could be up to 20 years worth of victims of his horrible kissing roaming the earth. I probably should have told him straight up that he was a failure, but I restrained myself because I felt like being nice.

What can we learn from this incident? Kissing with too much tongue is pretty disgusting, and it should only happen if both parties like it, and most likely, one person will not like it. Oh, and if you meet a guy in his mid-30s who is either single, never married, or has never been in a serious relationship, it’s probably because he sucks at things like kissing. Or that he likes dancing to retro house music in lame, trying-too-hard-to-be-trendy basement bars. Or both.

Do you have a horrible kissing story? That’s right, this blog entry has become the embarrassing moments page of Seventeen. Feel free to share your woe.

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Look Forward to the New Look of Fixed Air

27 May

Someone brought some technical difficulties to my attention – hopefully this post will work and you will be able to see some photos below.

I wanted to take a moment to thank my good friend Jasmine for graciously providing her photography services once again.

I have an interest in customizing Fixed Air in the upcoming weeks, so look for some changes. In the meantime, check out these pictures taken by Jasmine. She can make you look great on your worst day, so if anyone is interested in her services, please contact me directly.

Photo by Jasmine Rollins

Photo by Jasmine Rollins

Photo by Jasmine Rollins

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