True Blood: I Got Your Rug All Wet.

29 Jun

Eric Northman - we need more of him.

Last night’s episode kind of bored me except for all of the sex! I mean, has there ever been more sex in one episode of True Blood? Let’s break it down (the sex, that is):

  • The show opened with Tara having sex with Franklin, the latest vampire to come to Bon Temps. I really couldn’t stand Tara’s non-realistic orgasms. I mean, her eyes were rolling into the back of her head. Come on. No one, not even a vampire, could give someone such a ridiculous, lame, over-reactive orgasm.
  • Pam was interrupted by Jessica calling her on the phone while performing cunnilingus on the Estonian dancer girl (the same one Eric did for six hours in the season premiere), saying ever-so-sultrily, “Fangtasia. This better be good.”
  • In one of the most horrifying scenes ever on TV, Bill hatefucked Lorena, all the while screaming, “Never, never!!!” Then he twisted her neck around so her head was on the opposite side of her body. No fucking joke.

Wasn’t that horrific? Love it!

Other highlights of this episode:

  • Eric killing a werewolf in Sookie’s house, leading him to notice, “I got your rug all wet.”
  • Eric helping Sookie bury the dead werewolf and admitting that werewolves are a major challenge to his strength – Eric’s more sensitive side is showing this season.
  • Arlene going to the OB/GYN only to find out that her baby is close to ten weeks old. Uh-oh. (i.e. It’s probabaly not Terry’s kid. Sad.)
  • Jason: “There are two kinds of people in the world, people who got no dreams, people who got dreams and don’t do nothing about it, and people who go out and fulfill their dreams and I’m the third kind.”
  • Eric gifting Lafayette with a car for being his top seller of V.
  • The addition of Alcide as Sookie’s werewolf protector (as assigned by Eric).
  • The preview of the next episode, showing Sookie and Eric kissing – yes, please.

Lowlights:

  • Any scene with Tara. Hopefully now that Eggs is in the ground she’ll wise up and stop acting like an eye-rolling tantric sex freak.
  • Sam’s dad’s underpants. I hope that guy isn’t a serious method actor, because it does look like someone made real skid marks in those nasty things. (Oh, and what the hell is going on between Sam’s dad and brother? I sense incest.)
  • Not enough Eric.
  • Not enough Lafayette.
  • Bill declaring his loyalty to the King of Mississippi = ew.

The next episode, “9 Crimes” will air on July 11th. This preview got me very excited – I can tell this season will be a vast improvement over the last.

Good god, this looks amazing. The Bill wanting to kill Eric plot is making me trip out.

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