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Apparently People Do Not Understand What Feminism Really Is

14 Jul

There appears to be a vast divide between those who comprehend what feminism is and what it aims to do, and what some people appear to think what feminism is.  Last night I saw one of those Buzzfeed compilation lists titled “14 Women Say Why They Don’t Need Feminism”.  Never in my life has my brain twitched so badly.  Pulled from a Facebook group page called “Women Against Feminism,” each photo features a woman holding up a written reason for why she does not “need” feminism.  Talk about misunderstanding and lack of appropriate education.

Feminism is nothing more than the belief that women should have equal access to those things that all others may have access to.  This includes the right to vote, the ability to get an education, working a job with a living wage, and being able to drive.  All of these examples are a direct result of the hard work of our feminist sisters of years past.  However, there seems to be a misinterpretation of the word that associates feminism with man-hating and women somehow inhibiting the rights of men.

Here’s are some examples of posts found on the Facebook group “Women Against Feminism”:

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Yikes, these are all bad.  It’s amazing how some of these women think that feminism indicates some sort of non-equality.  This points to an obvious lack of education on what the concept of feminism is, and what the word means.  The truth is that if any woman takes advantage of her ability to work for a living wage, vote, or drive, she is a direct beneficiary of the work of feminism.  Feminism is nothing more than the belief that women should have access to equality and be able to experience all those rights enjoyed by men.  It is not an affront against men, and those extremists who are labeled “man-haters” are not the best representatives of feminism.  Hopefully the stigma against feminism will begin to evaporate as a new generation of women come into their own.

 

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Tim Molloy Reminds Me of My Father, and for That He Should Apologize

12 Jan

Lena Dunham. Photo by Terry Richardson.

I was about ten or eleven years old when my father said what is probably one of few things I remember him saying to me during my childhood.  I was sitting at the family computer, presumably working on my homework, when he came up to me, poked me in my stomach, and said, “you gotta lose that.”  This moment emblazoned itself into the back of my mind many years ago, and at any time I experience an insecurity about my body, I trace it back to this one defining moment.

I am sure that my father thought he was being helpful.  However, what he said in that moment has become the topic of $100 per hour therapy sessions, problems in my intimate relationships with men, and the lingering thought in the back of my head that no one will ever love me because of my stomach paunch.  If anything, this is one of the moments that further caused a lack of bonding between myself and my father, someone whom I speak to on a semi-regular basis due to his living thousands of miles away from where I am now.

There’s nothing more annoying than someone who feels the need to give you their opinion in regard to your body or the bodies of others, especially when it is unsolicited.  This appears to be something done primarily by men, but women are guilty as well.  Unless someone asks your opinion, the topic of their body should be completely verboten.

When Tim Molloy of The Wrap asked a question at a panel  at the Television Critics Association including Judd Apatow and Lena Dunham, the creators of the HBO show Girls, he attempted to breach the subject of the nudity of Lena Dunham’s character, Hannah Horvath.  Here’s what Tim had to say for himself:

I don’t get the purpose of all of the nudity on the show, by you particularly, and I feel like I’m walking into a trap where you go, ‘Nobody complains about the nudity on ‘Game of Thrones,’ but I get why they are doing it… They are doing it to be salacious and, you know, titillate people. And your character is often naked just at random times for no reason.

Yikes, where to begin.  It is obvious that Molloy’s statement is ultimately irrelevant, especially when Girls is entering a third season and enough backlash regarding Lena Dunham’s choice to appear nude in her own television show already unfolded in the last two years.  Additionally, Molloy is speaking directly about Dunham in particular, and not about any other actors appearing on the show.  His comments are meant to be a direct attack on a woman whose body is not considered perfect in the traditional sense.  And god forbid that such a woman be depicted nude in any manner.

Despite Molloy’s rude comment, Dunham’s response was rather diplomatic:

Yeah. It’s because it’s a realistic expression of what it’s like to be alive, I think, and I totally get it. If you are not into me, that’s your problem.

Dunham is aware of what she looks like and that she is not, nor will she ever be, a skinny Hollywood actress type.  I feel that Molloy’s question was nothing but clearcut trolling.  He knew the type of reaction that his question would garner and he obviously has little to no respect for Dunham.  Molloy’s opinion on Dunham’s body, and whether or not he wants to see it, is something he should keep to himself.  Judd Apatow reportedly later spoke with Molloy privately, letting him know that the “tenor” of his question was inappropriate, and ultimately, misogynistic.

Let’s be honest.  A lot of men should feel grateful that they are getting any sex at all.  There are countless men who feel they are entitled to be with models or women who look like models, but they are not pictures of Adonis themselves.  This hypocrisy leads to many imbalanced relationships and countless incidences of emotional and mental abuse. People also ultimately lose sight of what are important qualities in partners, such as emotional support, RESPECT, and a general sense of kindness and love.

When it comes down to it, the best method of broaching the subject of another human being’s body is to not broach the subject at all.  If someone is remotely overweight, they are completely aware.  The same goes for those who are underweight, or men who are frequenting the gym to build up their pecs and arms.  Everyone stands in front of the mirror and KNOWS what they look like.  This is not a mystery to anyone, so keep it to yourself.

Many people comment on how confident I appear in myself and with my body, but every so often my mind returns to those moments in which I was made to feel less than perfect, less than deserving.  Even the most confident of people have small insecurities, and the only logical thing is to try to be a better human and not hack open old wounds.

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Because the Internet: In Defense of Childish Gambino

7 Jan

A few weeks ago, Gawker featured an essay by Kyla Marshell as part of their ongoing “True Stories” series published every Saturday morning.  Ms. Marshell’s choice of topic was glaringly irrelevant, ill-researched, and all-around unnecessary.  With the anticipation of the release of Because the Internet, the third album by actor-writer-rapper Childish Gambino, a.k.a. Donald Glover, Ms. Marshell found it an appropriate time to attack the character of Glover, calling him a “sad black boy”.

The majority of her critique of Glover is admittedly ill-informed.  Marshell notes that hip-hop is not something she knows too much about:

I don’t know much about rap, so I’m not sure who the reigning emperor of pussy and bitches (what’s the difference?) is, but whoever claims the throne, they don’t need any more subjects. Which is funny, because he should make Donald their jester.

Marshell goes on to say that she saw Glover’s picture and thought he was cute, and that’s how she eventually ended up at one of his shows.  Clearly this is a poor measurement of a rapper’s worth. Then, Ms. Marshell takes a real jab at Glover:

Donald is just so awkward, so uncomfortable in his own skin. In addition to his posture problems and unwillingness to blink is the fact that he’s so caught up on his childhood. Childish Gambino could be fudged into simpler terms to mean Babyish Baby, and that’s apt. Donald’s childhood, I glean, was very similar to mine: an ethnically black child who grew up culturally white because of the surrounding school system and neighborhood. The difference between him and me, however, is that I found something else to say besides Ow.

This seemingly endless personal attack on Glover does nothing to substantiate any legitimate claims about his music.  Instead, the focus simply becomes how “awkward” and uncomfortable” Glover appears onstage.

I am well-aware of my minimal connection to Glover, but I somehow find the need to defend him and his work.  I first saw Donald Glover live onstage in a Hammerkatz sketch performance at NYU in 2006.  I was a freshman, and he was either a senior or just graduated, and already employed by 30 Rock.  I’ve always had aspirations in comedy, which I am currently pursuing, and I was thoroughly impressed to see someone who was making a similar dream and goals a reality for himself.  To young aspiring writers, especially those in comedy, Donald Glover is a model of perseverance and hard work and where it takes you when it pays off.  Not to mention that he is one of the most gifted people around today.  A lot of people try comedy, try to write, and try to act.  And many of them fail.  the fact that Glover does all of those things professionally and on a high level of success is something to admire.

Marshell’s observation that Glover’s stage performance overflowed with nervousness and tension is nearly irrelevant.  Given that Donald Glover is a seasoned performer, primarily in sketch and improv, perhaps it is natural for him to show tension in his nascent music career.  Because the Internet is a diary of contemporary disposable culture, wrapped in pretty rhymes and inverted wordplay.  This album is the birth of a truly great rap artist, and displays much more maturity than the previous Gambino effort, Camp.  Perhaps Glover is nervous onstage for a reason; not everyone finds their way in every art form the first time.  The progression of his lyricism speaks volumes about how seriously Glover is taking his work.

Gambino’s new album is a nonstop confessional of a fast come-up and the tangled mess of love and loss that typically makes up the experience of someone in their mid to late 20’s.  “Telegraph Ave. (“Oakland” by Lloyd)” is probably my favorite track on the album.  Gambino moves between singing and rapping a la Drake, but with what feels like a more genuine sense of depth.  Gambino is a more nuanced version of Drake, less about the platinum on his wrist, and more about the feelings he gets from his big come up.  There are flourishes of humor throughout the album, and it feels as though Gambino is purposefully twisting around some of the tropes of rap and making them all his own and inherently intellectual.

On “Sweatpants,” Gambino chants “don’t be mad cause I’m doing me better than you doing you,” reminding his haters that his grind is all about him, even if he is trying to be ironic.  Gambino also displays some fun wordplay on this track: “I’ve got a penthouse on both coasts, pH balance;” “I got more tail than that PetCo, you faker than some Sweet ‘N Low”.

On the final track, the most appropriately named “Life: The Biggest Troll,”  Glover makes the most important observation of the album: “Because the internet, mistakes are forever”.  This is essentially the new motto of the millenial generation.  In an age where everything is tweeted, blogged, Instagrammed, and Facebooked to death, our past remains in this odd little capsule, and anything we say can be used against us, especially the dumb things we say. Perhaps Kyla Marshell did not get this memo.

Because the Internet: 8.5/10

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“Work Ethic? What is that?” Asks Every Self-Absorbed Person in Their 20’s

10 Mar
Casey McIntyre wears a world of struggle on her porcelain face.

Casey McIntyre wears a world of struggle on her porcelain face.

The New York Times really needs to shut up about how hard it is to be white and in your twenties.  The publication created a subgenre about being young, in debt, underpaid, and overworked that persists and is now stronger than ever.  Take this annoying piece that appeared online last week, causing a tizzy among young and old alike who simply want to air their grievances about how hard their lives really are.

Take poor little Casey McIntyre, who feels overworked in her position as a book publicist.  She describes her fearless plight: “I have coffee before I leave the house, there’s a Dunkin’ Donuts conveniently in the subway station when I get off, and I get another coffee during the day,” she said. “And they’re large coffees.” Casey, not understanding that work often comes with obligations that may last even when she’s not perched at her desk looking at memes and GIFs in between grown up things like meetings and phone calls, is completely miserable in her coffee-soaked existence.

Perhaps what this disgusting subgenre of “Woe is me, I have to work more than I thought” pieces misses is the realization that things are different now.  If you have a job at all, you should be grateful. If you are not employed, well then that encompasses an entirely different New York Times subgenre. It may also get you featured on this lovely series on Gawker. In any case, The New York Times loves a good whiner. And if you can whine long and hard enough about how unfair everything is for you, then the world will take note of your struggle.  These young people having to work overtime simply to live are the Zapatas of our time. We should all admire their plight, no?

One thing that many young people seem to overlook is how they should be working their asses off while they still have the energy and wherewithal to soldier on.  All this noise about “YOLO” and “making the most of it” (the “YOLO” of yesteryear) is something being shoved down our throats by the Drakes and Justin Biebers and Lena Dunhams of this world.  Maybe if people my age stopped whining about their pitiful $12 an hour existences (which, really, are not pitiful at all), maybe they’d accomplish something.

Gah, it is so hard to be young and have to work.

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People Complaining About Working on Thanksgiving/Black Friday Need Some Cheese With Their Wine

22 Nov

Last week I received an email from Change.org, a website that hosts petitions for (usually) great causes. However, last week’s petition reeked of what I like to call “first world problems.”  A woman who works at Target, Casey St. Clair, began the petition in order to prevent workers from having to work beginning at 9 PM on Thanksgiving Day.  This is a screenshot of the generic petition people are signing:

Change.org Petition

This petition is annoying in many ways, the first and most obvious example being the number of people who are unemployed in this country and would likely jump at the chance to work a minimum wage retail job at Target.  Second, what about all of the other workers who never get a day off? This includes restaurant workers (I worked the last two Thanksgivings at a restaurant myself), police officers, firemen, military, and many other people who do not get holidays off.  Third, have these people never worked retail before choosing to work at Target (actually, perhaps Target chose them)? Retail is one of the most annoying, physically painful, inconvenient, high stress jobs that anyone could ever imagine. I worked at American Eagle Outfitters for six years.  Thankfully I have not worked retail since my first few months out of college, but I definitely identify with the woes of having to work holidays.

However, in spite of how much working retail sucks, I learned many years ago to never bite the hand that feeds you.  The people you see on the news whining about having to work on Thanksgiving and Black Friday will likely not be employed come New Year’s. What people do not realize is that employment, in many states, is deemed “at will,” meaning that employers can let you go at any time without telling you why. People need to be more aware of these laws and how they conduct themselves while not at work, especially in these times of an encroaching social media panopticon.

Another issue contributing to the increasing disgruntlement amongst retail workers is the very odd sense of entitlement displayed by young people today, especially young people who chose to not apply themselves in school or attempt a professional degree, with the expectations that they’d be the next Hannah Montana or Justin Bieber. In the last decade or so, the sense of entitlement of young people in regards to where they should work or how much money they should make, or what kind of car they should drive has skyrocketed to levels of unbearable annoyance.  Not everyone can be on Rich Kids of Instagram.  I am not impressed when you post a photograph of thirty or so twenty dollar bills.  Yes, someone I know actually did that.

The core of the matter in this instance is the fact that people need to learn to be more grateful for the things they have rather than the things they don’t have.  Employment, a paycheck, and a roof over one’s head are all things to be grateful for.  If you have to work retail and you hate it so much, then try something else.  Hundreds of people will be happy to fill your shoes.

This message is brought to you by post-Thanksgiving indigestion.

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Mitt Romney Gives Us Young People Valuable Advice

29 Apr

Mitt Romney, what a delightful example of the American dream!!! Living proof that all you have to do to become rich and successful is magically end up in the testicles of another very rich man! Nepotism gave this mildly smart man the chance at the highest seat in the country!! Nepotism could help you too, but only in your next life!! (If you believe in that sort of thing, which probably makes you a disgusting atheist pig who hates America and wipes with Ole Glory!) The only thing I love more than Mitt Romney is Mitt Romney’s valuable advice.  Uncle Mitt is one step closer to gaining the Republican presidential nomination, and his victory speech the other night blew my mind with the pearls this very smart man handed down to us young people:

“Borrow money from your parents, if you have to! Start a business!”

Shut up.

Uncle Mitt, you’re so smart! I will begin preparing my speech to my father right away. I think it will go something like this:

“Dad, I know that even though you’ve worked hard your whole life and now you get your hard-earned Social Security, I’d like to borrow that money and open up a taco stand that also doubles as a massage parlor. Clearly this is a sound business plan and I will need ALL of your monies now!”

Reality check.

My father is lucky he is receiving his social security in this day and age.  Any young person my age who has parents eligible to receive any such benefits are lucky.  It blows my mind to think that Mitt Romney thinks that there aren’t many young people supporting their parents instead of the other way around. Many of us will one day have our parents live in our homes (if we can ever afford a home after going to college), eat our food, and sleep in our beds. Oh, the horror. The Victor Hugo-reminiscent horror!

Borrowing money from your parents to make it in life must be some secret way of making it in the world that I have no clue about. If every kid could borrow money from their parents, there would be no need for student loans. There would be no need for little Sally to have to bartend in slutty outfits to support both herself and her aging mother.

I’d like to punch out his million dollar veneers.

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Bad Days and Bad Blood: Why We Need to be Nice to One Another

20 Apr

What is it that makes human beings want to be cruel to one another? I recently experienced one of the worst days I’ve ever lived through in my recent memory. This was due to a combination of circumstances and coincidences that were beyond my control. However, I could not help but feel that perhaps these things happen for a reason, and allow us to view life from the perspective of someone who only knows defeat. It is only from pain that one learns that treating others well is the ideal goal.

There are common misconceptions about myself that I feel precede any sort of impression I have the ability to make. People often perceive me as rude, self-absorbed, and rather aloof. In reality, these things are not far from the truth. However, I am perfectly capable of showing my kind side. The reasoning behind my “rude,” (and somewhat bitchy) exterior stems from a childhood marred by the cruel words and actions of others. I have been teased my entire life for a few things, the most prominent among them likely being my laugh and my extreme capability to experience real emotion (i.e., I’m a fucking cry-baby). So, naturally, as time passed, I was able to begin deflecting the words and actions of others by learning to retreat into my mind, where, very clearly, I was the best person around. My teen years allowed me to develop a sense of narcissism that became my comfort. Quite naturally, this defense mechanism manifests in the form of bitchiness. And I often do not understand why someone may be offended by things I say or my general demeanor, because I have trained myself to hide that I care.

The biggest problem that comes with this defense mechanism is an inability to convince others that I am being genuine. However, I feel that I am genuine in everything that I say and do, and I do not pander to others simply to make them feel good about their lives or what have you. I am unsure of where this is heading, but there is one more thing I wanted to touch on.

I suppose there is nothing I loathe more than someone who talks badly about people behind their backs. But, of course, we all do it and for whatever reason, we will all continue to do it. I recently heard that someone said something about me behind my back that is so unbelievably rude (and likely tinged with evil) that I cannot even begin to comprehend this person’s thought process and why they think it’s okay to act rude and mean simply because you want to look cool in front of your friends.

I simply wish that there would be some way to erase hate from the world, and to force people to be honest with one another when they need to be. Obviously this will never happen and we will all continue to live miserably in the shadows of the comments of others. Life sucks. Blah, blah, blah. I am a whiny artist. A whiny artist deserving of wonderful words and treatment. And so are you (minus the whiny artist bit).

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You’re A Whore: God Forbid Women Enjoy Sex

17 Dec

Get it, girl!

God forbid women enjoy sex – that appears to be the general consensus among the greater public. In my 23 years of being a girl, and now a young woman, I have encountered a very prominent distaste for the idea that a woman can possibly enjoy sex and pursue it of her own free will.

Girls are groomed to be trophies: pure and virginal, shiny and new. Any sexual knowledge and/or a drive for sex tarnishes women and leaves them to gather cobwebs at the back of the proverbial bookshelf. A woman’s value is linked to the number of people she’s slept with; the higher the number goes, the more tainted her worth becomes.

How did it come to be that women are judged by such silly standards? Unfortunately, the idea that women are to be thought of as little more than property without the right to decide with whom she is sexual and when, can be traced back to one of the earliest texts still enjoying high circulation today – The Bible. The Bible tells the tale of Eve, Earth’s first woman, who God created from one of Adam’s ribs.  As a product of the flesh of man, Eve was hence the property of Adam, and in her committing Earth’s first sin, she set in motion the whore complex that women continue to battle to this day. The burden women carry for being blamed for the world’s problems stems from the sin of lust – and Eve’s lusting after an apple basically doomed all us women to a life of subservience. Thanks, Eve. Whore.

I have one more qualm with the sexual expectations placed on women. I find it very interesting how women are constantly told that they will not find a man suitable to be a husband in a bar. I enjoy going to bars. Many women enjoy going to bars. Does this make these women any less desirable as romantic partners? Why is it that we are told that the men who go to bars are any worse than the women? Sure, you probably are more likely to encounter sleazy guys at sleazy bars, but there are plenty of normal people in bars as well. I met my latest romantic interest in a bar, and he’s only a little bit insane. With that being said, simply employ common sense when meeting people at bars and clubs. Everyone has at least a little bit wrong with them, and that’s perfectly okay. Looking to get laid is different from looking for a long term romantic partner.

Avoiding being labeled a whore would likely entail living a monastic life in the rolling hills of Lichtenstein. Many people (mostly men) gain some sort of power trip by referring to women as sluts and whores, and ignoring them is your best defense. (Or a taser, which are illegal in most states.) Slut-shaming is NEVER okay, and you can do your part to eliminate the verbal abuse of women by correcting those who use such derogatory terms in reference to women.

So ladies, if you’re looking to get some, go get some and pay no mind to the haters. And always be sure to practice safe sex.

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The Duke “F*ck List”: Thoughts and Consequences

13 Oct

 

Duke: Home of the Blue Devil, and an endless supply of hot men.

 

Last week, Jezebel posted the Duke University “Fuck List,” created by student Karen Owen, in its entirety. The “Fuck List” consists of 42 Powerpoint slides complete with pictures, charts, and thorough descriptions of the sexual performance of thirteen different young men, all of whom happen to be Duke athletes. The Fuck List entertained me more than anything I have had the chance to read in recent weeks, and it shed clarity on what appears to be a continually disputed idea: are women as vigorous in their quest for sex as men, and if they are, should they be allowed that right? Of course the answer to both parts of that question is yes, and the “data collection” performed by Ms. Owen is little more than a visual representation of a common occurrence among young women and men alike – people are having sex and talking about it, and this should hardly be news.

Owen, who titled her Powerpoint “An education beyond the classroom: excelling in the realm of horizontal academics” (quite a clever title, indeed), ranked her 13 “subjects” in the following categories: physical attractiveness, size, talent, creativity, aggressiveness, entertainment, athletic ability, and bonus points (“Bonus points were given for extraneous factors, such as the presence of an Australian accent and/or professional surfing skills. Points were deducted for rudeness or being Canadian.”) Now, call me cynical, but isn’t it COMPLETELY NORMAL to either discuss these details with close friends and/or record them for future entertainment? Owen’s creation of a detailed Powerpoint presentation is no different from the sex gossip that covers college campuses – the only difference is that someone found her creation highly entertaining, and chose to forward it to other friends in a fateful email.

Now Ms. Owen is facing a slut-shaming barrage from various media outlets, including both NBC and Fox News. The treatment of the “fuck list” in the media is sensationalist, with clear aims of portraying Owen as a sex-hungry young woman with no respect for any of her sexual partners. But let us pause for a moment, and imagine, if you will, that the Duke “Fuck List” was the work of a young man. There would likely be backlash from women’s rights groups and feminist media outlets (I will include Jezebel in this category), in addition to interviews with female celebrities expressing their “anger and outrage.” Many recent TV interviews with Duke students show an amused student body, entertained at the fact that Owen was sure to include penis size comparisons and indications of lame and/or inattentive lovers. But would students (especially female students) be entertained at a ranking of tit size or blow job ability? Perhaps they would, but my judgment says no. There is a clear double standard when it comes to sexual promiscuity. Men are encouraged to fuck as many chicks as possible, while women are cautioned away from enjoying sex as they please. Women are continually discouraged from pursuing sex, and when they do, they are labeled “sluts,” “whores,” and “ho’s,” while their male counterparts receive high-fives.

The media is portraying Karen Owen as a real-life biblical harlot and one gem of a video clip comes directly from Fox News, in which Megyn Kelly offers her sage advice to young girls everywhere:

http://www.youtube.com/v/8Whnt3zn-k4?fs=1&hl=en_US

See girls? It’s that simple! Do not sleep around! It’s dirty! Of course we would be lead to believe by Fox News that Ms. Owen is a huge slut deserving of little more than the recognition that she is a slut!

Ms. Owen is a normal young woman who has been blessed with a sex life that appears to be something out of a series of Harlequin romance novels. I am firmly in the camp that feels Owen deserves at least a book deal, or perhaps some sort of sex advice show. Any woman who can enjoy sex and have a sense of humor about it is golden. She also bagged a lot of hot, athletic men, for which I give her props. If Ms. Owen were a man herself, she’d be receiving high fives from all of her male friends and sneers from women. But in this world, and according to most media outlets, Ms. Owen is little more than a disrespectful slut deserving of shame. If being a “slut” entails enjoying a healthy and fun sex life, then I’d take being a slut any day.

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Waiting for a Man to Call You is Stupid: Here’s Why

19 Jul

You have a phone. Use it to get what you want.

Many women I know follow the “he’s just not that into you” school of dating. I cannot, will not, ever, ever, ever get on that train. I find it completely irrational that a man is expected to do all the legwork in dating. Some friends of mine (actually many friends of mine) seem to think that a man must make everything happen in a courtship situation. Not so, ladies. Not so.

Why is it that the male should decide whether HE’S into YOU? What about deciding whether YOU are into HIM? The double standard in heterosexual dating is entirely damaging to women. Women have been conditioned to think that a man must do all the pursuing, and if (god forbid) the woman does any of the hunting, she’s obviously DESPERATE. This way of thinking allows for women to become victims in a cat and mouse game that they might not even want to be a part of. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been pursued by men whom I had absolutely no interest in! And they never give up easily! I’m sorry, but I’ve already decided whether I am sexually attracted to you within the first ten seconds of meeting you. Sending me random texts for the next two weeks saying nothing more than “Hey” will do nothing for you.

I’m not saying that women should go out and proposition all the men they find attractive. All I’m saying that women should do the shopping, too. What about finding out more about someone as a person before trying to date them? This generation is geared toward instant gratification – we have Facebook, Twitter, texting, and pretty much every other possible form of communication possible. If a guy gives you his number, he’s probably interested and may want you to contact him if he’s at all shy. How can it work to a woman’s advantage if she’s being told to not use any form of contact with a guy she might be interested in? Men have all the same insecurities (maybe more) as women – they are just as terrified of sexual rejection as we are.

What I’ve noticed about a lot of the women who follow books like The Rules (a fair review of this book will be upcoming on Fixed Air), is that they often go through high numbers of men in very short relationships. And many of them never seem to be single long enough to understand that a woman does not need a man to complete her existence. Quickly jumping from relationship to relationship is a completely detrimental practice that corrodes both mind and soul. You do not have to be “in a relationship” at all times to feel good about yourself as a woman. Sometimes, it’s knowing who you are, in terms of your values, expectations, and dreams that could give you worlds more confidence than a  boyfriend. These women tend to “play games” with men, and think that ignoring a guy’s phone calls will somehow make her more desirable. Guess what? Men have insecurities that also cause them to question whether a woman likes him.

I have recently asked several male acquaintances whether they think it’s okay for a woman to contact them. They all said the same thing – that it’s a relief when a woman they like contacts them. They say it takes the guessing out of the equation and lets them know that the woman they had eyed isn’t completely terrified of him. I think it seems completely backward and old-fashioned to have to wait for a man to do everything. The games that people play are completely annoying, and I feel that if people stopped playing and perhaps lowered their guard for a moment, they may be surprised when they connect with someone who isn’t completely shallow.

There is nothing wrong with asking a man out. Nothing at all. I’ve done it and it works. I asked out my ex. We are exes now, yes, but we were together for a long time. You don’t necessarily have to call a guy, either. Maybe send him a text inviting him to a casual get-together with friends. What’s most important is to get to know the guy first. That seems to be the top misstep people make when getting into dating relationships – you have no idea who the person is or what they’re about.

Most men probably pray to the gods each night that a woman will ask them out instead of having to go through a bunch of awkward lines, sweating off his Old Spice all the while. Asking a guy out works most of the time. (Probably 9 times out of 10). I challenge you to try it sometime. Why should women have to waste time going on dates with men they do not find attractive or interesting? Why should women always wait around to be hunted by emotionally out-of-touch alpha males? Oh yeah, because society told us to.

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