They’re almost here! Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin host the 82nd Annual Academy Awards! See you back in 25 minutes, at 8:30/7:30 EST/CST.
6:30 PM: They’ve chosen to line up the nominees for Best Actor and Actress like cars at a car show. Where are the girls in bikinis?
6:31 PM: Surprise! Neil Patrick Harris! He’s going to be at every award show for the next decade.
6:38 PM: So now the opening monologue consists of Alec and Steve going back and forth with pretty lame lines. This is actually boring me right now.
6:41 PM: George Clooney = not amused.
6:44 PM: Penelope Cruz is presenting Best Supporting Actor. They’re choosing to show clips this year. Last year they had 5 random actors who had previously won the award come on stage. I don’t know which method of presentation I prefer.
6:45 PM: Christoph Waltz FTW. He’s so amazing.
6:56 PM: A Barbara Walters Oscar Special spoof with Fantastic Mr. Fox and Coraline. Up wins for Best Animated Film.
7:00 PM: Miley Cyrus and Amanda Seyfried present the award for Best Original Song. The winner is predictable: ‘The Weary Kind” by T Bone Burnett. What a great name.
7:12 PM: Tina Fey and Robert Downey Jr. are presenting Best Original Screenplay. Robert Downey Jr.: “Actors look for script with beautiful shooting locations, a phone scene with that bitch of an actreess I hate, and long dense columns of uninterrupted monologues…”
“It’s a collaboration. Between beautiful talented people and little mole people!” – RDJ
The winner: Mark Boal for The Hurt Locker
7:17 PM: The John Hughes tribute – Molly Ringwald and Matthew Broderick. I forgot that John Hughes had written Home Alone. What an amazing writer.
“When you grow up, your heart dies.” – Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club. So true, and so sad.
I’m sorry, Judd Nelson, but you look terrible. Better luck next time.
7:34 PM: Wait, what just won? I’m already zoning out.
Best Documentary (Short Subject): Music by Prudence
Best Short Film (Animated): Logorama
Best Short Film 9Live Action): The New Tenants
7:38 PM: Okay Stiller. You’re funny. I get it. The crazy eyes are a little funny. Stop it, though. Seriously….hahaha! Stiller, you got me. Winner for Best Makeup: Star Trek.
7:48 PM: Presentation of the award for Best Adapted Screenplay. Winner: Geoffrey Fletcher, Precious. He seems very genuine and grateful. Congrats.
7:56 PM: The presentation of Best Supporting Actress. Robin Williams steps onto the stage.
My Mom: “Where’s the guy who won last year?” Me: “Um…” Mom: “Oh, Heath Ledger!”
No surprise here: Mo’Nique for Precious
8:00 PM: Mo’Nique has such an intense speech. Dig it.
8:07 PM: Best Art Direction winner: Avatar.
8:09 PM: “Okay, but I don’t think the plural of whores is whores-es.” – Steve Martin
8:10 PM: The winner for Best Costume Design is The Young Victoria. That woman looks like she has an amazing wardrobe.
8:18 PM: A tribute to horror films? Why? Did someone die? Oh wait, everyone dies in horror films.
Hmmm….I’m not sure if I would include Edward Scissorhands, Interview with the Vampire, or Beetlejuice as “horror”.
8:23 PM: Morgan Freeman: everyone loves a pervert.
8:25 PM: Best Sound Editing: The Hurt Locker
8:27 PM: Best Sound Mixing: The Hurt Locker
8:30 PM: Presentation of Inglourious Basterds. That’s my shit! Quentin, I love you.
8:35 PM: Sandra Bullock presenting Best Cinematography. Winner: Avatar. Oh no. James Cameron is starting to get really excited. He gets handsy when he’s excited.
8:37 PM: My favorite: the In Memoriam tribute to those we’ve lost in film. Musical accompaniment by James Taylor.
8:49 PM: Um….this dance routine is going on forever….
8:54 PM: Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper (Cooper is the sexier of the two) present Best Visual Effects. Winner: Avatar.
9:04 PM: Matt Damon presents the award for Best Documentary: The Cove.
9:06 PM: Go away Tyler Perry. No one likes your movies or horrible TV shows.
Best Fim Editing: The Hurt Locker. The winners are very nerdy, just like my film editor friends. At least they seem appreciative. Congrats.
9:15 PM: Quentin and Pedro onstage together? My head might explode. Here’s what my mom said about Quentin: “He looks disheveled and crazy!” I must be Quentin’s next muse. I love he.
9:25 PM: Actor in a leading role. A menagerie of actors stands onstage: Michelle Pfeiffer, Vera Farmiga, Julianne Moore, Tim Robbins, and Colin Farrell. They’re telling stories about each of the nominees.
9:32 PM: Here it is…..Best Actor in a Leading Role: Surprise, it’s Jeff Bridges!
He’s talking about Lloyd Bridges now…just as I thought. Jeff Bridges seems as though he’s a major stoner. I love him, man!
9:40 PM: Okay, Forest Whitaker is talking about how “beautiful” and “layered” Sandra Bullock’s acting is. Since when is she such a great actress?
OPRAH!!! She’s over-pronouncing every word. Typical melodramatic Oprah.
9:47 PM: Sean Penn is onstage….here we go…..the winner of Best Actress in a Leading Role is….Sandra Bullock. No surprise.
Awww, that was a nice speech.
9:52 PM: Ooh! Best Director! Will my man Quentin pull off an upset? Eh, not likely.
WOW!!!!! Kathryn Bigelow for the win!!! In your face, Cameron! In your face!
9:58 PM: ‘Please welcome Academy governor Tom Hanks.” Academy Governor!!! What is that?
Best Picture: The Hurt Locker
What an upset, what a night! Thank goodness!









Last night, after a successful though horrific day of Black Friday shopping, my friend Anna* dragged me (literally, by the belt loops of my jeans) to see the second installment of the Twilight saga, New Moon. I’ve been able to avoid reading the books due to my general lack of enthusiasm for everything that teenagers enjoy. Recently I have started to feel old in spite of being young by the standards of those who actually are older. Last week when I watched the American Music Awards (which were terrible), I had no clue as to who some of the presenters were. I kept asking, “Who the F is that?”


