Tag Archives: Texting

Dating in 2014 is the Worst Ever

20 Sep

As if! Clueless

Dating is not what it used to be.  The current state of our digital-centric world is causing the possibility of meeting someone dwindling to a near-impossibility.  Here are some of the problems I’ve noticed with dating that have begun to kick in during the last year or so:

1.  Your Plans Are Dead, Don’t Bother

Want to make plans with someone?  Do you want to invite that cute guy in the glasses to an art show or dinner?  Forget it, because the days of making and keeping plans are long gone.  In a time where everyone gets invited to events via Facebook or other social media outlets, making a date (and then keeping it) is nearly impossible.  Hey ladies, get ready to make a date – with your cat!  Am I right?

2. They Got That Text Message

Yes, that person is ignoring you right now.  Yes, it’s awful.  They’re probably awful too.  Stop thinking about that person.  Texting has made the act of ignoring someone all too easy.  We also now have the added misery of the “read receipt” which shows that someone has read your text.  If you have an iPhone, you can see when someone is typing a response to you, and it’s causing many of us to have bouts of extreme anxiety.  No one picks up a GD phone anymore and makes an actual phone call.  Voices? We don’t need those anymore.  We might as well cut out our voiceboxes and throw them into the abyss along with your dead dating life.

3. Commitment? Blah.

No one wants to commit to anything anymore.  People cannot commit to simple meetings and they certainly cannot commit to being there for someone emotionally, mentally, or in any other way.  Things people can commit to: Twitter, Instagram, swiping right on Tinder, not making eye contact with strangers, bad manners, and weekly poker games.

4. Nothing Matters But A Narcissist

Studies have shown that narcissism is appearing in high rates in the millenial generation.  Naturally, the booming popularity of the “selfie” and the increased focus that millenials place on themselves in nearly every aspect of their lives will lead to disappointment in the dating arena.  Please take this example of a guy who posted a screenshot of his bank account balance on Tinder to attract women.  Please note that it is a business account, which means that the money is possibly not even all his, but most importantly, please note his shallow existence and the belief that money will give him a personality.  Please refer to Cher Horowitz’s reaction above.

5. People Lie About Everything to Impress You

Did you know that people lie about nearly everything and their motives are not always nice?  It’s true – men will say anything to get some pussy, and I am sure there are women who lie in the same ways.  I am talking about people lying about their age, their occupation or income, or what they want from a relationship.  How can you distinguish a liar from a truth-teller?  Only time will show whether someone is honest.  Unfortunately, my years of going to psychics have proven nothing about the ability of someone to see the future.  I am no longer seeing psychics.

Good luck out there!!

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Don’t Take Your Anti-Semitic Friend to A Serious Man

22 Jan

Have you seen that new Cohen Brothers movie, A Serious Man? It’s about a Jewish man suffering an existential crisis in 1967 Minnesota. All of the characters in this film are Jewish, and Larry Gopnik’s friends and family are no exception. If you know anyone harboring some sort of anti-semitic tendency, do not take them to see this movie! My movie-watching adventure is marred by ignorance:

Before the film begins, my friend is texting away on her phone (“clickety-clack, clickety-clack,” that annoying sound that touch screen phones have eliminated) when she suddenly stops and turns to me to say:

“There’s no service in here!”

My response: “Does there need to be?”

Ignorant “Friend”: “Yes! I need to send a text!”

The situation continues to worsen. I feel like a kindergarten teacher cornered by a pack of kids whining about not getting their grubby hands on a pudding pack.

A trailer for the Philip Seymour Hoffman movie Pirate Radio runs, and a song by The Who plays overhead. My friend: “Oh my gosh! That’s the song from CSI!”

The situation has worsened! We have a rogue movie talker on our hands! (The multiple personalities in my head tend to get agitated in unison.) I will spare you the worst and provide another headdesk-worthy anecdote:

A scene in which Larry’s son is running to the school bus with Hebrew lettering on the side is on the screen. My friend: “Are they in Israel?” At this point I am shifting in my seat and trying to cover the side of my face with my hand – anything to pretend as though I did not just hear that.

Going to the movies is an exercise in patience. Do not bring serial texters, talkers, or those who do not know anything about The Who. Godspeed, fellow movie-lovers. Godspeed.