Tag Archives: Steve Martin

Live Blog: The 82nd Annual Academy Awards

7 Mar

They’re almost here! Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin host the 82nd Annual Academy Awards! See you back in 25 minutes, at 8:30/7:30 EST/CST.

6:30 PM: They’ve chosen to line up the nominees for Best Actor and Actress like cars at a car show. Where are the girls in bikinis?

6:31 PM: Surprise! Neil Patrick Harris! He’s going to be at every award show for the next decade.

6:38 PM: So now the opening monologue consists of Alec and Steve going back and forth with pretty lame lines. This is actually boring me right now.

6:41 PM: George Clooney = not amused.

George Clooney's "Bitch, plz" look.

6:44 PM: Penelope Cruz is presenting Best Supporting Actor. They’re choosing to show clips this year. Last year they had 5 random actors who had previously won the award come on stage. I don’t know which method of presentation I prefer.

6:45 PM: Christoph Waltz FTW. He’s so amazing.

6:56 PM: A Barbara Walters Oscar Special spoof with Fantastic Mr. Fox and Coraline. Up wins for Best Animated Film.

7:00 PM: Miley Cyrus and Amanda Seyfried present the award for Best Original Song. The winner is predictable: ‘The Weary Kind” by T Bone Burnett. What a great name.

7:12 PM: Tina Fey and Robert Downey Jr. are presenting Best Original Screenplay. Robert Downey Jr.: “Actors look for script with beautiful shooting locations, a phone scene with that bitch of an actreess I hate, and long dense columns of uninterrupted monologues…”

“It’s a collaboration. Between beautiful talented people and little mole people!” – RDJ

The winner: Mark Boal for The Hurt Locker

7:17 PM: The John Hughes tribute – Molly Ringwald and Matthew Broderick. I forgot that John Hughes had written Home Alone. What an amazing writer.

“When you grow up, your heart dies.” – Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club. So true, and so sad.

I’m sorry, Judd Nelson, but you look terrible. Better luck next time.

7:34 PM: Wait, what just won? I’m already zoning out.

Best Documentary (Short Subject): Music by Prudence

Best Short Film (Animated): Logorama

Best Short Film 9Live Action): The New Tenants

7:38 PM: Okay Stiller. You’re funny. I get it. The crazy eyes are a little funny. Stop it, though. Seriously….hahaha! Stiller, you got me. Winner for Best Makeup: Star Trek.

7:48 PM: Presentation of the award for Best Adapted Screenplay. Winner: Geoffrey Fletcher, Precious. He seems very genuine and grateful. Congrats.

7:56 PM: The presentation of Best Supporting Actress. Robin Williams steps onto the stage.

My Mom: “Where’s the guy who won last year?” Me: “Um…” Mom: “Oh, Heath Ledger!”

No surprise here: Mo’Nique for Precious

Mo'Nique accepting her Oscar

8:00 PM: Mo’Nique has such an intense speech. Dig it.

8:07 PM: Best Art Direction winner: Avatar.

8:09 PM: “Okay, but I don’t think the plural of whores is whores-es.” – Steve Martin

8:10 PM: The winner for Best Costume Design is The Young Victoria. That woman looks like she has an amazing wardrobe.

8:18 PM: A tribute to horror films? Why? Did someone die? Oh wait, everyone dies in horror films.

Hmmm….I’m not sure if I would include Edward Scissorhands, Interview with the Vampire, or Beetlejuice as “horror”.

8:23 PM: Morgan Freeman: everyone loves a pervert.

8:25 PM: Best Sound Editing: The Hurt Locker

8:27 PM: Best Sound Mixing: The Hurt Locker

8:30 PM: Presentation of Inglourious Basterds. That’s my shit! Quentin, I love you.

8:35 PM: Sandra Bullock presenting Best Cinematography. Winner: Avatar. Oh no. James Cameron is starting to get really excited. He gets handsy when he’s excited.

8:37 PM: My favorite: the In Memoriam tribute to those we’ve lost in film. Musical accompaniment by James Taylor.

8:49 PM: Um….this dance routine is going on forever….

8:54 PM: Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper (Cooper is the sexier of the two) present Best Visual Effects. Winner: Avatar.

9:04 PM: Matt Damon presents the award for Best Documentary: The Cove.

9:06 PM: Go away Tyler Perry. No one likes your movies or horrible TV shows.

Best Fim Editing: The Hurt Locker. The winners are very nerdy, just like my film editor friends. At least they seem appreciative. Congrats.

9:15 PM: Quentin and Pedro onstage together? My head might explode. Here’s what my mom said about Quentin: “He looks disheveled and crazy!” I must be Quentin’s next muse. I love he.

9:25 PM: Actor in a leading role. A menagerie of actors stands onstage: Michelle Pfeiffer, Vera Farmiga, Julianne Moore, Tim Robbins, and Colin Farrell. They’re telling stories about each of the nominees.

9:32 PM: Here it is…..Best Actor in a Leading Role: Surprise, it’s Jeff Bridges!

He’s talking about Lloyd Bridges now…just as I thought. Jeff Bridges seems as though he’s a major stoner. I love him, man!

9:40 PM: Okay, Forest Whitaker is talking about how “beautiful” and “layered” Sandra Bullock’s acting is. Since when is she such a great actress?

OPRAH!!! She’s over-pronouncing every word. Typical melodramatic Oprah.

9:47 PM: Sean Penn is onstage….here we go…..the winner of Best Actress in a Leading Role is….Sandra Bullock. No surprise.

Awww, that was a nice speech.

9:52 PM: Ooh! Best Director! Will my man Quentin pull off an upset? Eh, not likely.

WOW!!!!! Kathryn Bigelow for the win!!! In your face, Cameron! In your face!

9:58 PM: ‘Please welcome Academy governor Tom Hanks.” Academy Governor!!! What is that?

Best Picture: The Hurt Locker

What an upset, what a night! Thank goodness!

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In A Perfect World: My Oscar Winners

7 Mar

Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin host the 2010 Oscars.

Last month I posted a piece of Oscar predictions. That post was a very straightforward analysis of who will win at the Oscars this Sunday. Now that I have seen most the films nominated, it’s time to create a fantasy world in which those who actually deserve Oscars will win them. Here’s how I would vote:

Best Supporting Actress:

Should Win: Mo’Nique for Precious

Will Win: Mo’Nique for Precious

Of course the only things the press can talk about are Mo’Nique’s unshaved legs and open marriage, but she deserves the Oscar. If she doesn’t win, the Academy voters will be “Sicilian dead to me,” as Kelly Cutrone would say.

Best Supporting Actor:

Should Win: Christoph Walt for Inglourious Basterds

Will Win: Christoph Waltz for Inglourious Basterds

Waltz delivered the best performance of the year. Out of every film I saw (and I see movies all the time), Waltz was the standout. Although I had not heard of him because he works mostly in European films, I feel that he could become a staple of American film within the next few years.

Best Actress:

Should Win: Gabourey Sidibe for Precious

Will Win: Sandra Bullock for The Blind Side

The Best Actress Oscar typically functions as a symbol of popularity and consistent Hollywood domination. Sandra Bullock movies are typically cute and enjoyable, and they make money. If this award were given for acting (as it should be), Sidibe would take it.

Best Actor:

Should Win: Jeremy Renner for The Hurt Locker

Will Win: Jeff Bridges for Crazy Heart

The Dude abides. Jeff Bridges, known very well for being completely underrated, will get two minutes to thank…well, there’s probably too many people he could thank, but I’m assuming that Lloyd and Beau will be the center of his speech. Who deserves the Oscar? Jeremy Renner was amazing in The Hurt Locker. He pulled off badass, hardass, and sweetass as an Army Ranger with a very impressive bomb deactivation record. The Best Actor Oscar typically goes to an older man as a symbol of achieving a varied body of work. This is why Bridges will win, and Renner will have to wait.

Best Animated Film:

Should Win: Coraline

Will Win: Up

Academy voters will likely pick cute over creepy, which means that Coraline could be left out of the race. Up was a cute movie with sad adult themes, but it still had talking dogs. Talking dogs = animated film gold.

Best Director:

Should Win: Quentin Tarantino for Inglourious Basterds

Will Win: James Cameron for Avatar

James Cameron has Hollywood so far up his ass now that a win for Avatar is inevitable. However, some think Cameron’s ex-wife, Kathryn Bigelow, could win for her direction of The Hurt Locker. Unfortunately, this isn’t possible. Hollywood is more sexist than anything, and awards are given to men by men. Who do I wish would win? Quentin Tarantino. Some friends of mine feel I have a Tarantino bias, but Inglourious Basterds is his best film since Pulp Fiction. If only he wasn’t so odd. Then he’d be a shoo-in.

Best Picture:

Should Win: Inglourious Basterds

Will Win: Avatar or The Hurt Locker

The horror of there being ten Best Picture nominees is a total insult to the integrity of the Oscar. The air of exclusivity that goes along with winning an Oscar is slowly disappearing, and the presence of District 9 on the long list simply makes my head hurt. Five nominees for Best Picture are quite enough. A few of the nominees in this category are very much out-of-place – Up was a very cute movie, but is it worthy to stand along the annals of films like Citizen Kane? Not at all. Up in the Air is another film that I did not find to be Best Picture-worthy. It had above-average acting and the story was original, but I simply did not see it as a great movie.

IMHO, the best film of the year was Inglourious Basterds.  The Hurt Locker is a close second. Will either of these films win? Not likely, as long as James Cameron keeps his death grip on Hollywood.