In A Perfect World: My Oscar Winners

7 Mar

Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin host the 2010 Oscars.

Last month I posted a piece of Oscar predictions. That post was a very straightforward analysis of who will win at the Oscars this Sunday. Now that I have seen most the films nominated, it’s time to create a fantasy world in which those who actually deserve Oscars will win them. Here’s how I would vote:

Best Supporting Actress:

Should Win: Mo’Nique for Precious

Will Win: Mo’Nique for Precious

Of course the only things the press can talk about are Mo’Nique’s unshaved legs and open marriage, but she deserves the Oscar. If she doesn’t win, the Academy voters will be “Sicilian dead to me,” as Kelly Cutrone would say.

Best Supporting Actor:

Should Win: Christoph Walt for Inglourious Basterds

Will Win: Christoph Waltz for Inglourious Basterds

Waltz delivered the best performance of the year. Out of every film I saw (and I see movies all the time), Waltz was the standout. Although I had not heard of him because he works mostly in European films, I feel that he could become a staple of American film within the next few years.

Best Actress:

Should Win: Gabourey Sidibe for Precious

Will Win: Sandra Bullock for The Blind Side

The Best Actress Oscar typically functions as a symbol of popularity and consistent Hollywood domination. Sandra Bullock movies are typically cute and enjoyable, and they make money. If this award were given for acting (as it should be), Sidibe would take it.

Best Actor:

Should Win: Jeremy Renner for The Hurt Locker

Will Win: Jeff Bridges for Crazy Heart

The Dude abides. Jeff Bridges, known very well for being completely underrated, will get two minutes to thank…well, there’s probably too many people he could thank, but I’m assuming that Lloyd and Beau will be the center of his speech. Who deserves the Oscar? Jeremy Renner was amazing in The Hurt Locker. He pulled off badass, hardass, and sweetass as an Army Ranger with a very impressive bomb deactivation record. The Best Actor Oscar typically goes to an older man as a symbol of achieving a varied body of work. This is why Bridges will win, and Renner will have to wait.

Best Animated Film:

Should Win: Coraline

Will Win: Up

Academy voters will likely pick cute over creepy, which means that Coraline could be left out of the race. Up was a cute movie with sad adult themes, but it still had talking dogs. Talking dogs = animated film gold.

Best Director:

Should Win: Quentin Tarantino for Inglourious Basterds

Will Win: James Cameron for Avatar

James Cameron has Hollywood so far up his ass now that a win for Avatar is inevitable. However, some think Cameron’s ex-wife, Kathryn Bigelow, could win for her direction of The Hurt Locker. Unfortunately, this isn’t possible. Hollywood is more sexist than anything, and awards are given to men by men. Who do I wish would win? Quentin Tarantino. Some friends of mine feel I have a Tarantino bias, but Inglourious Basterds is his best film since Pulp Fiction. If only he wasn’t so odd. Then he’d be a shoo-in.

Best Picture:

Should Win: Inglourious Basterds

Will Win: Avatar or The Hurt Locker

The horror of there being ten Best Picture nominees is a total insult to the integrity of the Oscar. The air of exclusivity that goes along with winning an Oscar is slowly disappearing, and the presence of District 9 on the long list simply makes my head hurt. Five nominees for Best Picture are quite enough. A few of the nominees in this category are very much out-of-place – Up was a very cute movie, but is it worthy to stand along the annals of films like Citizen Kane? Not at all. Up in the Air is another film that I did not find to be Best Picture-worthy. It had above-average acting and the story was original, but I simply did not see it as a great movie.

IMHO, the best film of the year was Inglourious Basterds.  The Hurt Locker is a close second. Will either of these films win? Not likely, as long as James Cameron keeps his death grip on Hollywood.

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2 Responses to “In A Perfect World: My Oscar Winners”

  1. thegirlfromtheghetto March 7, 2010 at 5:49 PM #

    I agree with Christopher Walt, he was amazing!

  2. Pedrito April 12, 2014 at 6:26 AM #

    Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull SUCKED! It didn\’t follow along the same lines as the other Indiana\’s they shuold have just left it alone.That\’s my humble opinion

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