Two Thoughts on the Superbowl: Neither Involves Chicken Wings

5 Feb

The annual gathering of face-painted super fans watching large men bump into each other, also known as the Superbowl, is this Sunday in Miami. I have two thoughts on America’s biggest man-flesh fest:

Scott Fujita

1. I hope the Saints win. It’s not that I really know or care about stats, or that I have something against Peyton Manning, but I want the Saints to win simply due to the existence of Saints linebacker Scott Fujita.  The man has spoken in favor of abortion and gay rights, and he has a BA in political science and an MA in education. This guy is the unicorn of professional athletes. I am sure that many other prominent athletes share similar opinions, but Fujita gets points for actually opening his mouth and not being afraid to do so. Also, someone called him “a pinko communist fag from Berkeley”, and he doesn’t care. I’ve been called a pinko commie many a time, so I relate to him on a personal level. Go, Saints!!! (NY Times)

Tim Tebow

2. Tim Tebow, quarterback for the Florida Gators and avid painter of Bible scripture on his cheeks, is set to appear in two anti-abortion ads during the Superbowl. Where do I begin? First, the ads are sponsored by Focus on the Family, a Christian organization based in Colorado Springs, where I grew up. I could go on and on about Focus on the Family being a horrible, hateful organization, but that would waste my valuable time. Second, my problem is not with Tim Tebow. My problem stems from the misunderstanding Tebow seems to have about his very own “personal” connection to abortion. In 1987, a doctor advised Tim Tebow’s mother, Pam, that her fifth pregnancy carried extreme risk and was a possible threat to her life. She chose to carry Tim to full term. Let’s review: a doctor advised Mrs. Tebow of the risk associated with her pregnancy, Mrs. Tebow weighed her options, and chose to remain pregnant. Mrs. Tebow was given a choice. This is the key to a woman’s right to choose for herself what she will do to her body. However, Tim and his mother are taking a stance against the very choice that Pam Tebow had. This is hypocrisy at its most salient. Leave the pro-life stance behind at the Superbowl. The Superbowl is not meant to serve as a vessel for bigotry! It’s an American event, and I want to see neutral commercials for great American things like Doritos, Pepsi, and Cadillacs!

UPDATE: Someone attempted to leave a comment that said, and I quote: “Only anti-aboortionists know more than God.” Are you kidding me!?! Anyone who claims to be omnipotent in any way, shape, or form is insane. This comment was not approved due to hearsay.

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Republicans Still Hate Gays, Everyone

3 Feb

I just saw an unbelievable poll on MSNBC. 73% of polled Republicans think that gay teachers should not be allowed to teach in public school. What a shocking figure! This number manages to cause nausea as well as enrage me. It is yet another example of the ignorance and hatred being paraded in the Republican Party as standard.

Another figure indicated that 63% of those polled thought that Barack Obama was a socialist, while only 42% of those polled believed that Obama was born in the United States!

Source: David Shuster, MSNBC, Feb. 3, 2010

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You Goddamn Phonies! A Tribute to J.D. Salinger

3 Feb

I did not think of writing a tribute to J.D. Salinger until I started writing this sentence. By now it’s likely old news that he died and we are waiting to see whether he spent the rest of his hermit years writing more great literature. However, I cannot deny the impact  The Catcher in the Rye had on my adolescence and literary ambition.

I first read The Catcher in the Rye in ninth grade. I checked out an old, tattered copy from the Cheyenne Mountain High School library. No one had checked out this particular copy since 1991. This made me feel as though I had superior taste, and that I was as cool as someone who grew up in the grunge era. I can remember reading each sentence and pausing, thinking something akin to, “This is just like my life,” or a simple “Fuck yeah.” Holden Caulfield was me, and I was Holden Caufield.  Despite the obvious physical differences and the more obvious fact that he was fiction, I strongly identified with angst-filled Holden. The universality of Holden Caulfield is unparalleled by any other character in American literature. Although some may argue for the superiority of the portrayals of Humbert Humbert, Tom Joad, or Jay Gatsby, Holden Caulfield is the quintessential American fictional protagonist. Jaded by his charmed private school life and running away to New York City after his expulsion to escape the “phonies” that plague him, Holden is the picture of American teenage frustration.

The Catcher in the Rye is a novel that people tend to read to appear normal. Mark David Chapman, John Lennon’s murderer, carried a copy with him at the time of his crime. Mel Gibson’s character in Conspiracy Theory hoarded copies of the novel and would buy another each time he went to a bookstore to feel at ease. I am unsure of where this is going, but The Catcher in the Rye is the novel of the normal and the abnormal; the sane and the insane. Holden is your average, frustrated teen, and by the end of the novel, he’s speaking to us from a mental hospital, completely powerless and strapped to a bed.

Perhaps the most ironic thing about The Catcher in the Rye is Holden’s disdain for “phonies” and the seemingly universal appreciation for the novel. Holden would likely hate that we care about his story. You can immediately tell whether someone is a phony if they tell you that The Catcher in the Rye is their favorite book. When someone asks me that question, I tend to say anything but Catcher – In Cold Blood, A Confederacy of Dunces, etc. But of course, I’m a goddamn phony, and my favorite book is The Catcher in the Rye. J.D. Salinger is one of the authors who inspires me to want to write for as long as my mind will allow for it.

Pour one out for J.D. Salinger.

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Learn Something New Today: Diastema

30 Jan

Lara Stone and her sexy diastema

The term diastema refers to the gap that is often present between an individual’s two front teeth. What most people fail to recognize is that a diastema is not “fixable” with braces. In order to close the gap between two front teeth, one must undergo surgery to cut away a piece of muscle that causes the teeth to be pushed apart. This is just too much effort. It is much more productive to admire your diastema in the mirror for a while and then call it a day.

I have a diastema, and I feel that it is one of the sexiest things anyone can have. I know what you may be thinking: “Is she crazy?”, “She must be afraid of dentists,” “Hillbilly!” I am sure that there must be a time when I did not like the space between my two front teeth, but I remember reading an article around the age of 13 that discussed how a person with a diastema is often a highly sexual being. This must have made me feel very grown up – I have no comment on whether this is true about myself. It should also be noted that Geoffrey Chaucer may have started this theory in Canterbury Tales when he described the “gap-toothed wife of Bath” – who also happened to be a very lustful woman. My gap adds character to my face – I would likely look like a completely different person if I were to close it. I also have professional reasons for not wanting to close my gap. I cannot stand perfect teeth on actors. If an actor is playing the role of an indigent, or a single mother of six, or a blue-collar worker fighting for labor rights, why the hell should they have perfect teeth? I have heard more than one acting teacher tell their students to never fix their teeth. You can bleach them if you want, and if your mouth isn’t full of rotting stumps, you’re likely good to go.

My biggest pet peeve is when others criticize you for things that you either A) cannot change or B) are unwilling to change about your physical appearance. If I had a dollar for every time someone asked why I didn’t want to close the gaps in my teeth, I would have enough money for Invisalign. But I would take that money and go on vacation instead. Other people’s teeth are none of our damn business. I hate how people are always commenting on Jewel’s teeth, when really, she one has one abnormal tooth. I find it empowering that she hasn’t succumbed to the wave of tooth perfection fetishism that has swept the country.

A gap between your two front teeth is so unbelievably sexy – when I think of a proper diastema, I think of Lauren Hutton, America’s first supermodel (Janice Dickinson was really not the first supermodel). Hutton has a stunning, impalpable beauty, yet she has a gap between her teeth. Yesterday, Jezebel posted a piece that stated because of the popularity of Anna Paquin and Lara Stone, women are asking to have the gap in their teeth recreated. If someone had told these women how cute their gap was in the first place, they wouldn’t have to spend thousands to get something they were born with!

Other celebrities rocking the diastema: Jorja Fox, Kate Moss, Sandra Bernhard, Prince Harry, Jennifer Hudson, Vanessa Paradis, Laurence Fishburne, Condoleeza Rice, Elton John, David Letterman, Bill Paxton, Laura San Giacomo, Paul Scheer, Maya Angelou, and Madonna (whose gap seems to have closed up – say it isn’t so, your Madgesty!).

If you have a diastema, take a look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I’m sexy.” Because you are, damnit! And never let anyone try to tell you otherwise. If they do, they’re nothing but a jealous lemming.

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State of the Union Live Blog

27 Jan

Tonight is President Obama’s first State of the Union address! Come back at 9:00 PM EST/7: 00 PM MST for more!

And that’s all from President Obama. He ended on a note of perseverance, cooperation, and immediacy. Not bad at all.

Notable quotable of the night: “We are strong, we are resilient, we are American.”

8:21 PM: …AND WOLF IS BACK. ROAR, BABY, ROAR.

8:20 PM: Begin the chant: “USA…USA…USA…” “Let’s seize this moment!” Waves to the left, to left, then to the right, to the right.

8:18 PM: Keep the dream of this nation alive…whatever…in 20 years this will be the United States of China. I love you Obama, but stop letting Favreau add in this stuff.

8:15 PM: Obama is talking about how we’re united by “American values.” Damn straight there’s no faith in corporations! Fuck the man! Wait, the media? Why, I oughta…

8:14 PM: Yes, equal pay for women!!! Feminist causes! *head explodes*

8:13 PM: Those generals are STONE FOXES.

8:12 PM: Define “freedom”.

8:11 PM: Bioterrorism? Now the first mention of Haiti. Haiti needs help! Donate now if you already haven’t!

8:09 PM: Arm’s control treaty? Um…securing nuclear weapons within four years? Where are these alleged nuclear weapons?

8:08 PM: More benefits for military families are necessary. I concur.

8:07 PM: The war is ending! The Army general is a sad panda.

8:06 PM: My eyes are starting to hurt and I’m wondering if I need glasses. Apparently we will have all combat troops out of Iraq in the summer.

8:05 PM: July of 2011 – goal date for troop withdrawal.

8:04 PM: “I’m not interested in re-litigating the past.” “Let’s put aside the schoolyard talks about who’s tough.” Standing O!

8:03 PM: People are booing the definition of leadership. Ugh. People disgust me.

8:01 PM: Yes! Do not vote against something just because you can! How about reading all legislation before deciding? I’ve heard of many people who DO NOT READ.

7:59 PM: Ooh, a website of earmark requests? Biden better cut back on the tooth bleach. Are his teeth a federally-funded project?

7:58 PM: Touching on campaign finance reform…thoughts Jarred?

7:57 PM: Oh no…people are groaning…they miss lobbyists. Get over it!

7:56 PM: “Let’s try common sense…a novel concept.” “We face a deficit of trust.” Damn straight. I don’t trust these suits.

7:55 PM: You’re right…that is what we did for 8 years.

7:52 PM: WHAAAA? Freeze government spending for 3 years? Uh… Budget? I’m from a poor family and I’m finally not poor anymore. Why would I want to be on a budget? Please do not cut government spending on education!

7:50 PM: 8 trillion dollars? That’s a lot. Damn straight you inherited it. And George was lucky enough to inherit a surplus. It’s not your fault. It’s the “War on Terror”.

7:49 PM: “Massive fiscal hole.” Teehee, teehee.

7:48 PM: That’s true. If you think you have any better ideas, “let me know, let me know.” Communication is key.

7:47 PM: “What’s in it for me?” Good question.

7:45 PM: Yay Michelle! Tackling childhood obesity!

7:44 PM: Self-deprecating moment by Barack. Loves it! Healthcare does suck in America. Dying slowly in America is a huge burden…there’s a more specific quote from Mission Impossible but I cannot look it up right now.

7:43 PM: More affordable mortgages…why does everyone think owning a home is so “American”? Build a cabin in the woods.

7:42 PM: Too bad I finished college. What? Can I get this 10% deal on my loans? I think it’s currently 15% for an IBR plan. Does anyone know?

7:40 PM: Why is there a golf clap for education? Education is key, bitches. “In the 21st century, the best anti-poverty program around is a world-class education.” That is the truest thing he has ever said. Kill No Child Left Behind!

7:38 PM: Rahm is a robot. Rahm says hi.

7:37 PM: WHAT THE HELL??? People are booing science!?! Shut up!

7:36 PM: Hmm….an energy bill? I’m intrigued, Barry…

7:34 PM: “We gotta get it right!” “We need to encourage American innovation.” No, let’s look to Europe and steal their ideas.

7: 32 PM: “I will not accept second place for the United States of America.” We need to talk about education. Almost every country is ahead of us in writing and math performance! We’re probably in 15th or 16th place. Sad!

7:31 PM: Damn straight! Germany never waits! Nein!

7:31 PM: Tuition is more expensive than ever? *Looks over at $100,000 degrees from NYU*

7:30 PM: “I want a jobs bill on my desk without delay.” Hmmm…the Resolute Desk, I presume?

7:29 PM: I don’t know…can outsourcing really be stopped? Do I hear the first set of jeers?

7:28 PM: There we go…clean energy efficiency! You go, Glen Coco, you go!

7:27 PM: Help for small businesses, tax incentives for big businesses. I want to hear about an incentive to prevent pollution

7:25 PM: A new jobs bill! Hear, hear! *Sips my whiskey* The last one kind of did…not much?

7:23 PM: Stimulus act has helped small businesses…not my field…I will leave this up to experts to decide.

7:22 PM: Joe Biden’s teeth = All kinds of distracting white

7:20 PM: Yeah! Fees on the biggest banks! Fuck you, banks!

7:18 PM: “It begins with our economy”…one solitary clap emerges for a few beats. Obama hated the bank bailout!?! “It was about as possible as a root canal.” Dentistry jokes pull in the common man.

7:16 PM: “They share a stubborn resilience in the face of adversity.” – PURE FAVREAU

7:13 PM: One in ten Americans cannot find work… This is recession talk. “These struggles are the reason I ran for president.” “I hear about them in the letters I read each night.”

7:11 PM: AND IT BEGINS… work your magic Jon Favreau (then call me!).

7:10 PM: Biden and the slow clap. Pelosi gives her formal introduction to the President. She’s wearing a neutral lavendar.

7:05 PM: This is my favorite part, no matter who is President at the time. “Madam Speaker, the President of the United States!”

Shake hands, greet the people, Michelle lovely in purple and pearls, shot of those sitting above in the House of Representatives. Jill Biden in blue! Shaking more hands. The applause continues for some time.

Obama is wearing a RED TIE!?! What does it all mean?

7:04 PM: Ooh! Military generals! Those uniforms! Tres chic!

6:59 PM: Grammar freak: Wolf just used the phrase “an historic event”. Is that correct? I was having this conversation with someone at 2 AM last night. I’m still not sure.

6:58 PM: I’m watching on the ever-neutral CNN. I love Wolf Blitzer and his smooth voice.

Everyone is walking in, and shaking hands. There’s Attorney General Eric Holder, Sonia Sotomayor, Wolf says that everyone is entering in order of seniority.

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82nd Annual Academy Award Predictions

26 Jan

My life goals involve sustaining an acting and writing career – I will write more on this when I move to Los Angeles later this year, but for now I would  like to touch on the 2010 award show season.

I am an open award show-junkie. I find winning awards to be very satisfying, and what could possibly feel better than being handed a heavy 24 carat gold statuette with your name engraved on it? Not every actor will be lucky enough to win an Oscar – the Oscar is perhaps the most recognized award in the world. I famously told a friend that I would rather win an Oscar over a Nobel Peace Prize. He scoffed and said I was shallow, I was just being realistic and considering my talents. (But perhaps I am a little shallow.)

2009 was very strange for actors and films. Hollywood is currently caught in a transition in which agencies are consolidating and celebrity is becoming increasingly democratized. It has become impossible to read a celebrity gossip rag or watch a celebrity news show without scratching your head at least a few times and thinking, “Who the hell is that?”  The golden age of Hollywood is tarnished by reality television and famewhoring (see: Heidi and Spencer Pratt).

There appears to be a lack of one great film to stand as the biggest achievement of  2009. In my opinion, that film could potentially be Inglourious Basterds, but its reception so far at the Golden Globes and SAG Awards do not lend to my hopes that Quentin Tarantino will win either Best Director or Best Original Screenplay at the Oscars. Instead, it seems that Avatar, a film that I have avoided entirely, will take top awards.

Here are my predictions for the top Oscar prizes:

Best Picture: Avatar

Best Director: James “Asshat” Cameron for Avatar

Best Actress: This is a tough call. I do not consider Sandra Bullock Oscar-worthy, but I will say it’s between Bullock for The Blind Side and Meryl Streep for Julie and Julia

Best Actor: Jeff “The Dude” Bridges, Crazy Heart

Best Supporting Actress: Mo’Nique, Precious (I will complement her on campaigning for an Oscar on her own talk show. Slick.)

Best Supporting Actor: Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds (I will forgive him for his nonsensical acceptance speech at the Golden Globes. He had said something about how the Hollywood Foreign Press had taken his dream and “transformed it into a golden orb”. He’s not American, so it’s an automatic forgiven misstep. He delivered the best performance I saw all last year.)

I’ll add on more predictions if I feel like it, damnit.

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The Average American?

23 Jan
President Barack Obama

I am writing today in response to a question put forth by Jarred Rego, host of “The Jarred Rego Show” on Colorado Springs 740 KVOR.  Today Jarred asked his listeners whether they felt that Barack Obama could relate to the “average American”.  I called in with a bevy of facts and quotes at the ready. However, my call was not answered in time and I remained on hold for upwards of twelve minutes. Due to this mishap that I suspect could be a mishandling of calls, I will reassemble my argument here. 

 Jarred, what exactly constitutes the “average” American?  On your show today you implied that Barack Obama is an elitist simply due to the location of his upbringing: Hawaii. You asked, “I’ve never been to Hawaii. Have you guys ever been to Hawaii?”  By portraying the state of Hawaii as an exotic vacation destination (which to only a certain extent, it is), you are completely marginalizing facts about Hawaii that the “average” American will remain unaware of. I feel that your argument boils down to the claim that Barack Obama is an elitist who was fed liberal-Marxist propaganda due to his educational background.  

Do you want to know about the public education system in Hawaii? Only 21% of 8th grade students are proficient in math; a similar 20% figure accounts for proficiency in reading. In 2003, Hawaii’s public elementary schools ranked 44th out of 50 states on the Nation’s Report Card. In 2009, the Hawai’i Department of Education slashed the yearly number of instructional days from 180 to 163, which is the least amount of instructional days anywhere in the U.S. You may also want to note that the poverty rate in Hawaii is 10.4%, which places the state as 27th in poverty rankings.  The per capita income of Hawaii ranks 40th in the U.S. Hawaii is not a state composed of only the wealthy.  It is also vital to note that 73% of Hawaii’s population is non-white, and many of these persons are of indigenous origin to the Hawaiian islands.  

Students in Hawaii are not receiving the best education they can, but Barack Obama had the support of a family who wished for him to succeed. He attended a private preparatory college in Hawaii.  This is the key to Barack Obama’s success. We live in a country in which your education will either lead to amazing opportunity or massive failure. Even though there are many people who are successful without a college education, the idea that a college education is integral to success in America is poisoning mainstream ideals. Barack Obama chose success.  

I feel that I can comfortably state that I can relate to the “average” American. I can also relate to Barack Obama. My maternal grandparents arrived in the U.S. in the 1930’s as children from Cuba and Puerto Rico. By no means do I come from a lengthy line of wealthy people; my grandfather worked as a longshoreman on the docks of the East River and my grandmother worked as a cleaning woman.  

I know that the success I have had so far in life is due to the sacrifice of my grandparents and parents. My father grew up in an impoverished segment of Williamsburg, Brooklyn, while my mother lived in the projects of the Bronx.  My mother dropped out of college in the 1970’s to pay for an operation that my older brother desperately needed.  

However, each of my parents performed very well in school and were able to recognize that the best future for both myself and my sister was not in the New York City public school system. I know what it feels like to have to see your parents choose between which bills to pay for the month. I know what struggling truly is. I also recognize the great fortune that has been bestowed upon me in this life. Not only do I hold two degrees from one of the greatest universities in the world, but I also have the opportunity to achieve whatever it is I choose. There are people in America who will never dream of the things I have achieved in only a short 22 years. Is my success due to my racial background? (I am 1/8th African-American, if you must know.) Is my success due to my having a uterus? Is my success due to being raised in Colorado? There is not one factor that can be pinpointed as the source of my achievement. Do not single out Barack Obama’s home state of Hawaii as the source of his success. Most importantly, do not patronize Barack Obama for being a good student.  

As Nathaniel Hawthorne once scribed, “families are always rising and falling in America.” Barack Obama happened to catch a large tide. Do not assume anything about an individual’s background or upbringing.  

I ask you this question: Do you relate to the “average” American? And who is the “average” American?

UPDATE: Jarred Rego responded in the comments below but failed to answer any of my posed questions. How convenient of him.

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Don’t Take Your Anti-Semitic Friend to A Serious Man

22 Jan

Have you seen that new Cohen Brothers movie, A Serious Man? It’s about a Jewish man suffering an existential crisis in 1967 Minnesota. All of the characters in this film are Jewish, and Larry Gopnik’s friends and family are no exception. If you know anyone harboring some sort of anti-semitic tendency, do not take them to see this movie! My movie-watching adventure is marred by ignorance:

Before the film begins, my friend is texting away on her phone (“clickety-clack, clickety-clack,” that annoying sound that touch screen phones have eliminated) when she suddenly stops and turns to me to say:

“There’s no service in here!”

My response: “Does there need to be?”

Ignorant “Friend”: “Yes! I need to send a text!”

The situation continues to worsen. I feel like a kindergarten teacher cornered by a pack of kids whining about not getting their grubby hands on a pudding pack.

A trailer for the Philip Seymour Hoffman movie Pirate Radio runs, and a song by The Who plays overhead. My friend: “Oh my gosh! That’s the song from CSI!”

The situation has worsened! We have a rogue movie talker on our hands! (The multiple personalities in my head tend to get agitated in unison.) I will spare you the worst and provide another headdesk-worthy anecdote:

A scene in which Larry’s son is running to the school bus with Hebrew lettering on the side is on the screen. My friend: “Are they in Israel?” At this point I am shifting in my seat and trying to cover the side of my face with my hand – anything to pretend as though I did not just hear that.

Going to the movies is an exercise in patience. Do not bring serial texters, talkers, or those who do not know anything about The Who. Godspeed, fellow movie-lovers. Godspeed.

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Break Me Off A Piece of That…Scott Brown

21 Jan

This week, Scott Brown made history by becoming the first Republican senator elected from Massachusetts in nearly forty years. He also made history in 1982 by appearing in a semi-nude centerfold in Cosmopolitan. Sassy! And check out his sweater-over-the-shoulder-beach-strut in the bottom right corner. Tres Cape Cod.    

Brown has continued his oh-so-sensual antics by announcing to the world that his daughters, Ayla and Arianna, are “available”. Jump over to Jezebel to see some genuine awkwardness ensue. It got even worse when Brown pointed out that Arianna is “definitely is not available, but Ayla is.” Hopefully this is simply a case of an embarrassing Dad, and not a big pimpin’ situation about to go wrong.    

A real query remains: should we trust a man whose wrist covers the entirety of his junk?    

Massachusetts Senator-Elect Scott Brown

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Stuart Cobb: The Biggest Idiot I Know (At Least for Today)

21 Jan

I attended high school with the author of  a horrendously written “article” that is circulating the internet as an example of  the worst in college male misogynistic tendencies.  Stuart Cobb, a fool who lives up to the idiocy of being named  Stuart and born after 1954, wrote an entry for his recurring column (“Fancy That”) titled: “Seven women you meet at DU.”  I should preface my ribbing of Stuart’s awful work with the interesting coincidence that only two weeks before this piece found its way on one of my favorite blogs, Jezebel, that I had the displeasure of encountering Cobb at a friend’s house.

As a discussion emerged, we somehow landed on the topic of debutante balls. Stuart is an admitted guzzler of all things imbued with alcohol, and a womanizer who claims that he now has a girlfriend. I pity that poor girl, if she exists. I questioned Mr. Cobb on whether debutante balls are necessary in today’s world. His response: “I don’t know. You get free alcohol.”  I further pressed Cobb on how the female candidates are chosen for our area’s debutante balls.  Response: ‘Well, you know, they all come from families that have contributed a lot to the community. Mostly the Fine Arts Center.”  This was a terrible answer.  Multi-million dollar donations sustain the Fine Arts Center, and if these families wish to contribute to something worthwhile, perhaps they should look to give money to the homeless shelters around town and somehow contribute to the elimination of the growing tent cities that pepper the streets surrounding said Fine Arts Center. I made a final suggestion to Stuart: “Perhaps they should give their money to battered women.” Stuart’s response: “Whatever. I like the free booze and watching girls pass out when their dresses are too tight.”

That is a portrait of Stuart Cobb, the same author of an “opinion” piece entitled “Seven women you meet at DU.”  Stuart, without giving him any credit, made a shortlist of  stereotypes of college women. It is not the wording of Stuart’s “writing” that is offensive; it is the simple audacity that the author of such bullshit could believe that he is being completely original, when this is done over and over again (See: Tucker Max). Stuart Cobb is a completely self-assured dipshit. He knows that he’s a jerk, and he just doesn’t care.

On Saturday, The Clarion published a completely u letter of apology from Stuart.  This can only be a last-ditch effort for Stuart to somehow salvage a writing career from the damage he has caused – perhaps Stu will compile the auto sale listings for a third-tier paper in the midwest.  In this letter, Stuart claims that his plan all along was to write a similar list of the “Seven men you meet at DU.” I do not believe this for a damn milli-vanilli second. Stuart has a history of misogynistic writing under his belt – a trend that began when he wrote for the Cheyenne Mountain High School Chieftain.  Why would a young man so full of himself even dare to claim such an asinine intention? Stuart is glib and ignorant of the impact that words can have.

Only two days ago, Stuart issued another letter of apology that contained a resignation from his post as an opinion columnist for The Clarion.  Stuart is a senior.  He’s already had over three years to fill the student newspaper with his trash writing.  It hardly matters that he will no longer write during his last semester at DU.  It does matter, however, if Stuart miraculously stumbles upon a position at a legitimate journalistic source. Editors of the free world – do not hire Stuart Cobb. Not only is his writing sub par, but he will also offend women and men alike. There is one winner in this situation: Tucker Max has found a new bro.

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