I attended high school with the author of a horrendously written “article” that is circulating the internet as an example of the worst in college male misogynistic tendencies. Stuart Cobb, a fool who lives up to the idiocy of being named Stuart and born after 1954, wrote an entry for his recurring column (“Fancy That”) titled: “Seven women you meet at DU.” I should preface my ribbing of Stuart’s awful work with the interesting coincidence that only two weeks before this piece found its way on one of my favorite blogs, Jezebel, that I had the displeasure of encountering Cobb at a friend’s house.
As a discussion emerged, we somehow landed on the topic of debutante balls. Stuart is an admitted guzzler of all things imbued with alcohol, and a womanizer who claims that he now has a girlfriend. I pity that poor girl, if she exists. I questioned Mr. Cobb on whether debutante balls are necessary in today’s world. His response: “I don’t know. You get free alcohol.” I further pressed Cobb on how the female candidates are chosen for our area’s debutante balls. Response: ‘Well, you know, they all come from families that have contributed a lot to the community. Mostly the Fine Arts Center.” This was a terrible answer. Multi-million dollar donations sustain the Fine Arts Center, and if these families wish to contribute to something worthwhile, perhaps they should look to give money to the homeless shelters around town and somehow contribute to the elimination of the growing tent cities that pepper the streets surrounding said Fine Arts Center. I made a final suggestion to Stuart: “Perhaps they should give their money to battered women.” Stuart’s response: “Whatever. I like the free booze and watching girls pass out when their dresses are too tight.”
That is a portrait of Stuart Cobb, the same author of an “opinion” piece entitled “Seven women you meet at DU.” Stuart, without giving him any credit, made a shortlist of stereotypes of college women. It is not the wording of Stuart’s “writing” that is offensive; it is the simple audacity that the author of such bullshit could believe that he is being completely original, when this is done over and over again (See: Tucker Max). Stuart Cobb is a completely self-assured dipshit. He knows that he’s a jerk, and he just doesn’t care.
On Saturday, The Clarion published a completely u letter of apology from Stuart. This can only be a last-ditch effort for Stuart to somehow salvage a writing career from the damage he has caused – perhaps Stu will compile the auto sale listings for a third-tier paper in the midwest. In this letter, Stuart claims that his plan all along was to write a similar list of the “Seven men you meet at DU.” I do not believe this for a damn milli-vanilli second. Stuart has a history of misogynistic writing under his belt – a trend that began when he wrote for the Cheyenne Mountain High School Chieftain. Why would a young man so full of himself even dare to claim such an asinine intention? Stuart is glib and ignorant of the impact that words can have.
Only two days ago, Stuart issued another letter of apology that contained a resignation from his post as an opinion columnist for The Clarion. Stuart is a senior. He’s already had over three years to fill the student newspaper with his trash writing. It hardly matters that he will no longer write during his last semester at DU. It does matter, however, if Stuart miraculously stumbles upon a position at a legitimate journalistic source. Editors of the free world – do not hire Stuart Cobb. Not only is his writing sub par, but he will also offend women and men alike. There is one winner in this situation: Tucker Max has found a new bro.
Fixed Air 
With every enraged female response to the article “The seven women you meet at DU”, Stuart Cobb’s legend grows. An assured dipshit? I think not, move over Ben Bernanke Stuart is the man of the year. You may not realize it, but by insulting Stuart you are actually demonstrating why he is such an extraordinary individual. There are many sexist articles like Stuart’s but due to his wit and writing ability his article has gained national attention, where other similar articles are ignored and passed over as garbage. You compare Stuart Cobb to Tucker Max and consider that an insult? Tucker Max is a New York Times Best seller (something many authors aspire to be) and his work is now being turned into a major motion picture. You attack Stuart because he enjoys an open bar? The only people that do not enjoy an open bar are hippy yuppie fuck faces that sit in coffee shops and talk about how the man is holding them back and recovering alcoholics. Oh, one more thing. Stuart made a very valid point when he said it was appropriate for the upper class to fund the fine arts center. I for one enjoy living in a community that strives to preserve the arts. I also feel that tourist respect this as well and tourist dollars are what fund many communities including Colorado Springs. It is both fallacious and ignorant to assume that just because people are donating money to the fine arts that they are not also donating money to shelters and food kitchens. The bottom line is Stuart Cobb wrote a funny article that people took far too seriously. I am a good friend of Stuarts and in the 12 years I have known him he has demonstrated respect towards women (his two favorite teachers happen to be women) and he is a fun person to be around. Does he write satires and outlandish articles? Yes and they are hilarious and fun to read. So lighten up and stop being jealous of the fact that Stuart can garner so much attention. Stuart Cobb eats babies and shits delta force members.
~Alex Scherer
Hey Al, everyone’s entitled to their opinion. Personally, I think this is the greatest thing that could ever happen to Stuart. If he plays his cards right, he’ll make millions if he writes a Tucker Max-style book.
Thanks for reading Fixed Air.
– Heather
One time I walked in on Stuart Cobb a BJ. And than later that night he went on to try and touch me inappropiately. The following weekend he tried to come over to my best friend’s house for a party and when I would not let him inside he preceded to call me a prude bitch and a tease. I then called him a fat fuck, and that was the last time we spoke.
Stuart Cobb is a disgusting human being. And a fat fuck.
*ooops I meant to say getting a BJ
Um, are you sure you want this to be on the internet?
Heather,
So glad you took the time to disseminate a bunch of lies. You to La Rissa. I remember the conversation I had with you, and you grossly manipulated what I said. Congratulations!
Ah, but you did not deny that you touched my sister inappropriately. Thanks for reading!
Well this was a very long time ago and I may have been a bit tipsy but I do not remember you being very kind to me. Still, I may have been a bit harsh. I apologize.
So you both just admitted you lied. Sweet.
I did not admit I lied. What I said did happen, I just acknowledged the fact that story may have been skewed because the event happened many years ago.
I love your blog. Nice job. 🙂
“Fail Harder” – Mark Zuckerberg