Tag Archives: Madonna

Learn Something New Today: Diastema

30 Jan

Lara Stone and her sexy diastema

The term diastema refers to the gap that is often present between an individual’s two front teeth. What most people fail to recognize is that a diastema is not “fixable” with braces. In order to close the gap between two front teeth, one must undergo surgery to cut away a piece of muscle that causes the teeth to be pushed apart. This is just too much effort. It is much more productive to admire your diastema in the mirror for a while and then call it a day.

I have a diastema, and I feel that it is one of the sexiest things anyone can have. I know what you may be thinking: “Is she crazy?”, “She must be afraid of dentists,” “Hillbilly!” I am sure that there must be a time when I did not like the space between my two front teeth, but I remember reading an article around the age of 13 that discussed how a person with a diastema is often a highly sexual being. This must have made me feel very grown up – I have no comment on whether this is true about myself. It should also be noted that Geoffrey Chaucer may have started this theory in Canterbury Tales when he described the “gap-toothed wife of Bath” – who also happened to be a very lustful woman.┬áMy gap adds character to my face – I would likely look like a completely different person if I were to close it. I also have professional reasons for not wanting to close my gap. I cannot stand perfect teeth on actors. If an actor is playing the role of an indigent, or a single mother of six, or a blue-collar worker fighting for labor rights, why the hell should they have perfect teeth? I have heard more than one acting teacher tell their students to never fix their teeth. You can bleach them if you want, and if your mouth isn’t full of rotting stumps, you’re likely good to go.

My biggest pet peeve is when others criticize you for things that you either A) cannot change or B) are unwilling to change about your physical appearance. If I had a dollar for every time someone asked why I didn’t want to close the gaps in my teeth, I would have enough money for Invisalign. But I would take that money and go on vacation instead. Other people’s teeth are none of our damn business. I hate how people are always commenting on Jewel’s teeth, when really, she one has one abnormal tooth. I find it empowering that she hasn’t succumbed to the wave of tooth perfection fetishism that has swept the country.

A gap between your two front teeth is so unbelievably sexy – when I think of a proper diastema, I think of Lauren Hutton, America’s first supermodel (Janice Dickinson was really not the first supermodel). Hutton has a stunning, impalpable beauty, yet she has a gap between her teeth. Yesterday, Jezebel posted a piece that stated because of the popularity of Anna Paquin and Lara Stone, women are asking to have the gap in their teeth recreated. If someone had told these women how cute their gap was in the first place, they wouldn’t have to spend thousands to get something they were born with!

Other celebrities rocking the diastema: Jorja Fox, Kate Moss, Sandra Bernhard, Prince Harry, Jennifer Hudson, Vanessa Paradis, Laurence Fishburne, Condoleeza Rice, Elton John, David Letterman, Bill Paxton, Laura San Giacomo, Paul Scheer, Maya Angelou, and Madonna (whose gap seems to have closed up – say it isn’t so, your Madgesty!).

If you have a diastema, take a look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I’m sexy.” Because you are, damnit! And never let anyone try to tell you otherwise. If they do, they’re nothing but a jealous lemming.