Men Leave. But if They Don’t, They Still Die: The Lady Gaga Edition

2 Mar

Jezebel posted one of the most relevant and interesting quotes I’ve read in a very long time:

“Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.”

All Hail Lady Gaga

This quote is from my current personal heroine, Lady Gaga. Gaga is touching on a subject that has an overt pertinence to my personal life. What I’ve recently realized is that no man (again, NO MAN) is worth compromising one’s own longterm career goals and/or emotional well-being. I am at an age at which many young women choose to marry and start families. There is nothing wrong with this if you are secure in such a decision, but countless young women have the potential to end up trapped in a situation that may be unlike one they hoped for. Dreams of domesticity are not always fulfilled in a healthful, loving way. One woman’s dream of raising a family could be comparable to another woman’s dream of becoming a published author, lawyer, or doctor. In any case, all women must put their mental and spiritual well-being first.

I am completely aware that I am not only too much of a child myself to even think of being married and having kids, but I am also much too involved in furthering my career. It took the recent and unwelcome ending of a longterm relationship to help me realize what my priorities should be. I gave this person my total commitment and love and they chose to give up on our relationship at a critical time during which I needed their support. He said and did some truly hurtful things, without reason or explanation. Predictably, the most hurtful thing he said was that he didn’t love me anymore. I cannot fathom suddenly changing one’s mind about such deep feelings and then having the nerve to throw something so painful in another person’s face. This person repeatedly told me, “your goals are unrealistic” and that “nothing ever materializes” (in reference to my writing). We’ll see about all of that, but I think I’m doing very well for myself now. Once the person you are with begins lambasting your hopes and dreams, your relationship is doomed.

Here’s what every young woman should know: do not drop out of school or move across the country to follow the whims of a random douchebag man. Eventually, when you find happiness with yourself, the right person for you will appear. And you won’t feel the need to drop everything. The ideal is to find someone who will support your pursuing whatever career you wish, wherever it may take you.

A career is your life’s work: it is not your job at the Sunglass Hut or any 9 to 5 in a fluorescent-lit office that pays the bills. You can find a man on any street corner, in any city, in any corner of the world. The trick is to find the right one.  He’s out there, but in the meantime, get your hustle on.

5 Responses to “Men Leave. But if They Don’t, They Still Die: The Lady Gaga Edition”

  1. constantineintokyo March 2, 2010 at 6:03 AM #

    Life is often about compromises and it’s sometimes very hard to know what choice you should make – should I sacrifice this relationship to pursue ‘X’ goal, or should I sacrifice this goal to preserve the relationship? At least for us women in our early 20s, its pretty obvious that we should pursue our dreams and work towards being happy with ourselves and our achievements. The relationship you have with yourself is the longest and most meaningful relationship you will ever have.

    “Love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth… Love is as love does.” M. Scott Peck

    The man you chose to be with should support your goals and help you grow and become a better person (and you should do the same for him). If he doesn’t support you, if he tries to hold you back for any reason (jealously, fear of losing you, etc), then you should not be in a relationship with him. That’s my relationship philosophy at least.

  2. shoutabyss March 4, 2010 at 9:34 AM #

    As I man, I can only nod in agreement at this post and say, “hells yeah.” I would tweak it slightly to say “person” instead of labels that are gender specific, but I do think I mostly understand where you are coming from. (I can’t say for sure since I haven’t walked in your shoes.) I don’t care if its a woman and a man or two of the same gender, if you aren’t supporting each other on your journey to make your lover’s dreams come true, I don’t believe you are doing it right.

    By the way, speaking of your career: How’s it going? Are you still fighting the good fight in Colorado or have you made a decision about a return to NYC?

    • fixedair March 4, 2010 at 5:43 PM #

      Thanks for those thoughts. More and more everyday I am starting to hate Colorado. I’ve decided that it is in my best interest to take advantage of the free housing and food that my parents are giving me and look for a job in order to save money for a move to La La Land. I’ve had several interviews, but so far, no dice. I have an interview tomorrow, and I’m really interested in the job, so wish me luck.

  3. Alma March 24, 2010 at 7:13 AM #

    I love her for this. As a spiritual advisor who has dealt with SO MANY young women who want to/have thrown their talents away for the likes of some not-so-nice guy, I believe this to be a golden quote.


  4. THE MACHINE April 30, 2010 at 12:19 AM #

    You don’t have to compromise your personal goals; however, you should realize when a man is standing up for you! ie: “GOD HATES LADY GAGA”:

    How to destroy religion and the church: tell the entire world, including people outside of North America, how the church is invading peoples’ privacy without consent!! E-mail all the atheist societies and give strength to their arguments (like nobody related to the stories in the bible have ever been found)!! Tell everyone how they falsely confine people and torture them- LIKE MYSELF!! E-mail Australia! Tell them how people are using politics to torture people based on politics and religion versus human rights and freedoms without fair and due process while other people out there murder 11 or more people and smoke a joint and go to ceremonies and smoke a joint while buggering people behind their filthy alters!! Tell the DEA, and so on and so forth!! THE CHURCH IS A SICK DISCUSTING FRAUD!!

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