Tag Archives: Creepers

Messages Like These Are Why I Deleted My Tinder Account

8 Jan

Tinder scares me.  I deleted my account a few months ago, but I never experienced any benefit from this alleged dating app.  Dating? SMH.  Tinder is nothing more than a digital glory hole for the worst of the worst people.  Are you looking for a horrible person to date?  Get on Tinder.  Are you looking for a night of semi-anonymous erotic embarrassment in a large metropolitan area to which you will never return?  Please, use Tinder.  Enjoy yourself.  Tinder is only one notch above Craigslist, and the only way of knowing you had a successful Craigslist transaction is not getting decapitated.

The texts that follow almost speak for themselves.  I changed this person’s phone number to the moniker “Red Flag” in order to be fair.  Is this normal?  Is this what men are supposed to be like?

Red Flag Text #1

He wants to know how tall I am.  I guess that’s normal enough.  But wait, uh-oh.  He wants recent pictures that are “fully transparent,” which makes no sense.  I indulge him further with an innocent inquiry:

Red Flag Text #2

Yes, he has met women who are older or more overweight than he thought initially.  It’s official.  This individual is shallow. Immediately offended, I tell him I am not old or obese.  Then he tells me that “visibility and transparency” are what he provides.  Bitch, I don’t want to know anything much about you.  Don’t flatter yourself.

Red Flag Text #3

“That sounds so businesslike” may be interpreted as “You sound like Patrick Bateman.”  I did not say “You sound like Patrick Bateman” because this man did not strike me as being a reader.

“And that sounds evasive” is obviously the sign of a potential killer laying in wait.  I stop texting him completely.  The unprovoked texts begin.  He tells me that “most people just answer with “sure””.  Once again, I am not most people and I already decided that I don’t like you. BYE.

Red Flag Text #4

He thinks that because I am a writer, I should have so many things to say.  Little does he know, he is writing a story for me by continuing to text me.  “Why are you scared?” he asks, completely randomly and unprovoked.  Because you are clearly insane.

And finally, the cherry on top:

Red Flag #5

A selfie sent exactly one month after the “Why are you scared?” text.  This is why I am scared.

Goodbye Tinder!!! Auf wiedersehen!!! Ciao!!! Au revoir!!!

 

 

More Reasons to be Disappointed with Men, Including “Blue Walls”

21 Sep

Today I have several reasons to be disappointed with the opposite sex:

1. The charming existence of the article “Local bison bear all at Phi Kappa Psi’s Annual Lingerave” in the Johns Hopkins University school paper, The News-Letter. This piece of shit, written by a very spiteful young man named Greg Sgammato, insults all women with disgusting misogyny. Sgammato comments on the harmful existence of “fat chicks” and their clear intent to prevent douchebag frat boys from hooking up with their “hot friends”. Here’s a little gem from his “article,” describing the tragedies taking place at lingeraves (a combination of the words lingerie and rave, leaving endless possibility for make-believe debauchery):

In the future, one can think of at least one alteration to make; indeed, perhaps advertising a party as a “Lingerave” will bring about more bad than good. While seeing a hot chick in only her underwear is undoubtedly a treat, seeing a blimp without the welcome shield of clothing is a much worse fate for everyone at the party. A seasoned veteran should have the confidence to wait until the bedroom to see his girl without clothing; don’t subject the majority to the tyranny of the – funnily enough – enormous minority.

Hmmm, blimps, huh? Other terms Sgammato uses to describe women include: “livestock,” “elephants,” “grenades,” “bison,” and “it”. Now, I could go on and on about how Sgammato is likely an ugly man who could not even get a standard hot chick (whatever that means) to blow him if he tried, but all I really want to say is how he’s just ignorant. How could someone who holds such nasty opinions of women think that it would help his writing career to put his name on such sexist trash? More importantly, is this really how he feels about women? I weep for the day this moron ever has a daughter, because she will need therapy galore. This guy deserves to have his name associated with trash writing for at least the next few years. Oh, and as a bonus below, Jezebel found this picture of Sgammato, who is seen on the far right with fellow bad writer Javier Avitia on the left and the FEMALE editor of the Johns Hopkins News-Letter in the center. Is he winking here? Ugh.

2. The even more charming existence of a SECOND sexist piece in the SAME edition of the Johns Hopkins News-Letter, entitled, “Banging Under the Influence: The Ups and Downs” by a moron named Javier Avitia. Javier tries to argue that having sex when both parties are drunk is the best thing ever. According to the author, being drunk while fucking makes girls “slutty” and “submissive,” while men become “emboldened”. Yuck. Avitia writes:

For guys, the appeal of this is obvious: it cuts out the hassle of having to pretend to care about a relationship and the protocols of a thing called “courtship” if they want to sleep with a girl, it gives them an excuse to think with the other head, and, as many a study has shown, girls become more submissive when intoxicated while men conversely become more emboldened. So score one for the men.

The sad part about this quote is that it showcases what seems a prevalent attitude among college men – why be nice to a girl and actually care about her as a person when she has holes for your dick that feel good? That’s all we women are good for anyway. Javier’s piece is yet another reminder that women are still thought of little more than objects used at any man’s discretion. It also insults both the acts of drinking and sex, both of which are enjoyable and not necessarily mutually exclusive. Thanks Javier, for ruining drinking and sex for everyone.

3. I can’t go to work without being leered at by both customers and coworkers. I would like to go into more detail here, but I probably shouldn’t, and I would rather make the point that creepers are neither worth my time nor my energy. I will say one thing – if you are a major creeper, do not keep trying to touch a young girl’s shoulder with your creeper hand, because she will give you the stinkeye and then write about how gross you are in her nationally read blog.

4. I don’t like it when a guy gets you all hot and bothered for him and then leaves you with whatever the equivalent of blue balls for women may be (actually, I just Googled and Wikipedia mentions “blue walls” and “blue box”- how classy). I mean, if you’re telling a girl all the things you like sexually, you should maybe follow-up on that sometime in the future. Hello, you’ve got a girl who’s DTF into you – do some work, you lazy ass. I’m hot, you’re hot, let’s hit it already. And I may remind you that I am not on call for such things – I’m not a nurse or a traveling saleswoman. Please change your attitude stat.

And those are all the reasons I can think of to be disappointed in men at this very moment.