Tinder scares me. I deleted my account a few months ago, but I never experienced any benefit from this alleged dating app. Dating? SMH. Tinder is nothing more than a digital glory hole for the worst of the worst people. Are you looking for a horrible person to date? Get on Tinder. Are you looking for a night of semi-anonymous erotic embarrassment in a large metropolitan area to which you will never return? Please, use Tinder. Enjoy yourself. Tinder is only one notch above Craigslist, and the only way of knowing you had a successful Craigslist transaction is not getting decapitated.
The texts that follow almost speak for themselves. I changed this person’s phone number to the moniker “Red Flag” in order to be fair. Is this normal? Is this what men are supposed to be like?
He wants to know how tall I am. I guess that’s normal enough. But wait, uh-oh. He wants recent pictures that are “fully transparent,” which makes no sense. I indulge him further with an innocent inquiry:
Yes, he has met women who are older or more overweight than he thought initially. It’s official. This individual is shallow. Immediately offended, I tell him I am not old or obese. Then he tells me that “visibility and transparency” are what he provides. Bitch, I don’t want to know anything much about you. Don’t flatter yourself.
“That sounds so businesslike” may be interpreted as “You sound like Patrick Bateman.” I did not say “You sound like Patrick Bateman” because this man did not strike me as being a reader.
“And that sounds evasive” is obviously the sign of a potential killer laying in wait. I stop texting him completely. The unprovoked texts begin. He tells me that “most people just answer with “sure””. Once again, I am not most people and I already decided that I don’t like you. BYE.
He thinks that because I am a writer, I should have so many things to say. Little does he know, he is writing a story for me by continuing to text me. “Why are you scared?” he asks, completely randomly and unprovoked. Because you are clearly insane.
And finally, the cherry on top:
A selfie sent exactly one month after the “Why are you scared?” text. This is why I am scared.
Goodbye Tinder!!! Auf wiedersehen!!! Ciao!!! Au revoir!!!
Your commentary is perfect. I’ve heard of Tinder but never used it. I’m so glad I’ll never need it. 🙂
Totally weird buuuut kinda cute. Of course so was Patrick Bateman.