What is it that makes human beings want to be cruel to one another? I recently experienced one of the worst days I’ve ever lived through in my recent memory. This was due to a combination of circumstances and coincidences that were beyond my control. However, I could not help but feel that perhaps these things happen for a reason, and allow us to view life from the perspective of someone who only knows defeat. It is only from pain that one learns that treating others well is the ideal goal.
There are common misconceptions about myself that I feel precede any sort of impression I have the ability to make. People often perceive me as rude, self-absorbed, and rather aloof. In reality, these things are not far from the truth. However, I am perfectly capable of showing my kind side. The reasoning behind my “rude,” (and somewhat bitchy) exterior stems from a childhood marred by the cruel words and actions of others. I have been teased my entire life for a few things, the most prominent among them likely being my laugh and my extreme capability to experience real emotion (i.e., I’m a fucking cry-baby). So, naturally, as time passed, I was able to begin deflecting the words and actions of others by learning to retreat into my mind, where, very clearly, I was the best person around. My teen years allowed me to develop a sense of narcissism that became my comfort. Quite naturally, this defense mechanism manifests in the form of bitchiness. And I often do not understand why someone may be offended by things I say or my general demeanor, because I have trained myself to hide that I care.
The biggest problem that comes with this defense mechanism is an inability to convince others that I am being genuine. However, I feel that I am genuine in everything that I say and do, and I do not pander to others simply to make them feel good about their lives or what have you. I am unsure of where this is heading, but there is one more thing I wanted to touch on.
I suppose there is nothing I loathe more than someone who talks badly about people behind their backs. But, of course, we all do it and for whatever reason, we will all continue to do it. I recently heard that someone said something about me behind my back that is so unbelievably rude (and likely tinged with evil) that I cannot even begin to comprehend this person’s thought process and why they think it’s okay to act rude and mean simply because you want to look cool in front of your friends.
I simply wish that there would be some way to erase hate from the world, and to force people to be honest with one another when they need to be. Obviously this will never happen and we will all continue to live miserably in the shadows of the comments of others. Life sucks. Blah, blah, blah. I am a whiny artist. A whiny artist deserving of wonderful words and treatment. And so are you (minus the whiny artist bit).
Fixed Air 
I’m sorry that you are having bad days,
but you will be okay. Just be more sensitive
to others and you’ll receive more kindness in
return.
Love,
Mommy
After reading this post, I feel obligated to respond. If you wish to “erase hate” from the world, perhaps you should start with your own demons. You are one of the rudest, bitchiest people I have ever met, and now apparently the most hypocritical. If you do not want others talking rudely behind your back, perhaps you should stop gossiping about others when they are not around. Or perhaps you should just learn to be a nice person is general. No one likes to be around a narcissistic, whiny bitch who cares only about herself and doesn’t give a damn about the feelings of those around her.
Reason? What things happen for a reason? Karma is simply human brains trying to make sense of completely random events. (My opinion.) Sometimes things seem to go one way then at other times not so much. That is the nature of probability. Since our brains try so hard to make sense of it, they often draw correlations where there really are none.
My blog consists almost exclusively of talking about people behind their backs. So I am loathed by you. 🙂 That’s ok. I can handle it. In my defense I’ve gone to great lengths to keep things anonymous enough that no one will ever know who I’m talking about. I guess that is the line of morality where I have to hang my hat. Perhaps that’s a skosh better than posting, “Jennifer Wigglebottom of Paris, Texas, is intellectually dishonest.”
🙂
As far as erasing hate goes, I understand the sentiment. But it’s one of those yin-yang things. If everything came easy then there would be no meaning left. We have to have the bad with the good.