Oh So You Got Dumped? Get Over It.

12 Oct

Ugh, privilege.  It is everywhere.  There is privilege in the air, and in my grande caramel macchiato, and in the Anthropologie bag containing a lovely maxi skirt I purchased to wear to my privileged law firm job.  When will it end people?  When will privilege finally disappear!?!  The answer is never if you happened to stumble upon the most privileged blog entry of all time, written by someone who writes under the pseudonym “Brett Ashley”.  Appearing on Jezebel, the intriguingly-titled “The Most Fucked Up Things People Have Said to Me During My Break Up” is a privilege parade fit for the most prissy and self-indulgent people who walk the earth.  One would expect the fucked up things that people say to her to contain any of the following words and/or phrases:

“Maybe he dumped you because you’re fat.”

“You’re worthless without that relationship”

“You might as well just kill yourself now and get it over with.”

Mad As Hell

The reaction of everyone reading Brett Ashley’s blog post.

None of these things appear in the list of the most fucked up things people have said to Brett Ashley in the aftermath of her horrible, no good, very bad breakup.  Instead, these are the worst things people have said to Brett following her breakup:

“Maybe he’ll come back?” – a Friend

“You’re really hurting your personal brand with all this moping around.” – My [Female] Boss

“Please do not throw this relationship away; you only get love like this once in your life.” – My Mother

“You’re smart/pretty/young/funny/successful/interesting/outgoing/all of the above. You’ll find someone else, don’t worry.” – Almost Friggin’ Everyone

Once again, these are the “most fucked up things” that people have said to Brett Ashley since her breakup.  These things are not fucked up at all and are actually just people trying to be as nice as possible.  Instead, some of the actual fucked up things in this blog post come from the charming mind of Brett Ashley herself.

Some of the gems Brett has in her piece:

“…yes, ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in my life, I have been dumped.”

It will probably happen again.  Better get used to it, Brett.

Or how about what she would like her parents to do for her in this oh so difficult time?

“Instead, how about: “We just want you to be happy – I know that’s probably hard right now. We love you so much. This must be very hard. Let us know if there’s anything we can do to help.” Or just send money. I may be an adult now, but I will never ever turn down financial contributions from my parents.”

Yikes.  Brett Ashley wants your money, Brett Ashley’s parents.

The only thing worse than this blog post of falsehoods is the description of the author appearing at the end:

Brett Ashley is a 28 year-old urban professional born in the southern United States who has been moving between major metropolitan cities ever since. She blogs under a pseudonym to protect the innocent (and not so), and has a penchant for bad television, good wine and Hemingway references.

Ugh, it just gets worse.  She likes bad television and good wine.  I cannot stand this person.  It has become more clear as to why the boyfriend may have broken up with this person.

In conclusion, things could be worse, Brett Ashley.  We have all been dumped.  But you could also be eating out of a trash can or be dead.  Think about it.

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