Tag Archives: Tattoos

Things I Almost Tattooed On My Body (Thankfully I Did Not)

8 Jan

Ah, youth. The sweet sting of broken hearts and the beginnings of alcoholism. Living it up while you’re young (see, YOLO) is a major part of American society, as is making the commitment to allow another human being stab permanent markings into your skin with a sharp needle. Tattoos are fun and by god, they will help you show off your awesome personality and the things you loved, even for a moment in the turning gears of time.

There are several tattoos I’ve considered in my short lifetime, and all of them were really stupid ideas. Here, a list of the things I almost allowed a stranger to stab onto my body in permanent ink:

1. Drama Masks

Photo from DeviantArt.com

Uh-oh. This girl was not so lucky.

When I was in high school I was extremely involved in theater.  While I still love theater, my former favorite activity has taken a backseat to my goal of writing for film and television.  It’s a good thing I did not get this tattooed on my body not only for my personal interests changing, but also this is the kind of tattoo that can really frighten someone when they see you naked for the first time. I mean, what is up with the sad face? It looks like a Dali painting gone wrong.

2. Flower near my crotch

I used to think it would be kickass to have a tattoo of a flower right above, well, my flower. This was a dumb idea and it also did not come to fruition.

3. Lady Gaga lyrics

I went through a pretty serious though brief Lady Gaga obsession a couple of years ago.  It was around the time that Gaga released the song “Bad Romance” off of The Fame Monster. The lyrics in question? “I’m a freak bitch, baby”.  Why did I think this was so awesome? I though it would look pretty cool placed on my left hip wrapping around the area where my underwear would hit.  That way guys would see it and feel super lucky to be with a “freak bitch”. Seriously.  This was a rough time in my life and I would prefer if you withheld all judgment.

4. A Colorado flag

Photo from Westword.

What does this even mean? When did the great flag of Colorado take a beating?

I grew up in colorado and although it is an amazing place full of natural beauty and old friends, I really hate it here now. I do not want anything associated with this place on my body. Thanks but no thanks. I doubt the flag of the Centennial State would have held its shape if I lived for a century.

5. “Shhh…” on my index finger

OMG Rihanna, we get it.

Sometime in 2008 or so a few celebrity ladies started getting “Shhh…” tattooed on their index fingers.  Rihanna was one of them. Lily Allen was another one. It was stupid and I have no idea why I thought this would have been a good idea.  Young people are silly.

6. John Mayer tribute tattoo.

John. John!!! Why are you so weird and have to say weird dumb things in magazines that make people hate you? why can’t we go back to those wonderful and simple times where I cried myself to sleep listening to “Room for Squares” and dreamt of marrying Leonardo DiCaprio (the Gangs of New York version, specifically)? I really wanted to tattoo one of your album logos on myself. Let’s go back to being a musical genius. Yes?

And that was a brief overview of the things I almost tattooed on my body. Let’s take a moment of silence to reflect on those who were not so lucky and chose to memorialize their love for things like Limp Bizkit and tootsie rolls in the form of tattoos. Those people deserve our sympathy.

Feminine Inking: On Women and Tattoos

8 Apr

The recent revelation of Jesse James’s infidelity against his wife, Sandra Bullock, has introduced the world to a tattooed lady named Michelle “Bombshell” McGee. If you have followed this story at all, you would know about the controversy being caused by McGee’s tattoos alone. Many have criticized McGee for her heavily tattooed body, but shouldn’t we be more concerned that she’s the type of woman to fuck your husband and sell the story to tabloids?

Kat Von D, pretty tattooed lady.

Where do conceptions about the “appropriateness” of tattoos on women come from? Notice that a lower back tattoo, once very popular among young women in the late ’90s/early ’00s, is now deemed a tramp stamp. If you get one of those, ladies, you’re just asking for it. And you know what “it” is. The stigma against women possessing large tattoos does not seem to affect men. When a man rolls up his sleeve to show you his tribute to Star Wars in the form of a Darth Vader tattoo, no one even seems to blink. A man with a tattoo is as masculine as the Marlboro man of yesteryear. But if a woman with a full colored sleeve of images that are probably meaningful for her walks into a crowded room, comments could range from, “Why would she ruin her skin like that?” or “She looks so trashy!” You get the idea. Tattoos reveal a double standard among genders, and as tattoos become more commonplace, women still seem to bear the brunt of tattoo criticism.

A recent conversation with the mother of one of my close friends revealed her disdain for tattoos on women. She told me about a woman she saw in 7-11 with a very shocking neck tattoo that read, “All Bitches Lie”. Okay, I’ll admit that getting “All Bitches Lie” tattooed on your neck over steps the boundaries of what might be appropriate to have tattooed on one’s neck, but maybe there’s a cool story behind it. Whenever I see a tattoo that catches my eye, I wonder what it was that prompted that person to get whatever it is permanently stabbed into their skin. I’m the owner of one tattoo – my astrological sign is on my right ankle – and I can assure you that years of thought went into this small tattoo. I’m currently considering another, but I will likely think about it for a while if it ever comes to fruition. I’m always impressed by those who can commit to large pieces on conspicuous areas of their body. I have an odd fascination with Kat Von D, a tattoo artist specializing in portraits and star of the TLC reality show, LA Ink. Kat Von D carries herself with the “Who gives a fuck?” attitude necessary to pull off large pieces of ink, and she’s gorgeous to boot. (Shameless promotion: Kat Von D has an awesome line of makeup at Sephora. You should try it.)

So what do you think about tattoos on women? Are they sexy? Are they inappropriate? What is it that causes someone to criticize what a woman does to her body? Perhaps it’s a conflict between the private and the public lives that women are expected to maintain. A woman is historically expected to appear chaste and respectable while in public, but in private, a man expects her to be a sexual firebomb. As Ludacris said, he wants “a lady in the street but a freak in the bed.” Tattoos are a very small part of this paradox, but relevant, nonetheless.

A woman whose name eludes me declared the following: “The difference between tattooed people and non-tattooed people is tattooed people don’t care if you have tattoos or not.” But if you’re tattooed, you probably don’t care what other people think of you anyway.