The Elephant in the Nation: Why People Are Not Voting for Barack Obama

30 Oct

Many people will not vote for Barack Obama because he is black.  This was true in 2008 and it feels even more salient this year.  Perusing social media and noting the various reactions to the campaign make it clear that Mr. Obama faces challenges that should not even be at issue. He cannot help the color of his skin.

The fact that people are still questioning whether the President was born in the United States is unfathomable; no President has ever been under such scrutiny before. I have already said it, but will say it once more – it is only due to the fact that Barack Hussein Obama is black.

Never mind the fact that Mr. Obama champions the rights of women, minorities, and the LGBTQ community. Let us all focus on the fact that he is simply a few shades darker than his opponent, the shockingly incompetent Mitt Romney.

If any individual capable of critical thinking watched the three Presidential and only Vice Presidential debates, one thing should be terrifyingly clear: Mitt Romney does not have a plan. Romney has very little concern for issues related to women’s reproductive rights, the right for all people to marry whomever they love, the right to an affordable education. Romney’s stance on foreign policy, which appeared to impress many Republicans, was at best an attempt to simply repeat Mr. Obama’s answers while inverting particular words, all the while attempting to steer the topic back toward the economy.  And never mind healthcare – Mr. Romney thinks that an emergency room is the best place to go when you fall ill. This disgusting, out-of-touch and elitist attitude is being licked up like the nectar of Dionysus by many Americans.  This is terrifying. As an American, woman, and Latina, my heart weighs heavy with the thought of a Romney presidency. November 7th will either be a great day for America or one of the worst in history.

What is it that so many Americans claim to dislike about our President? Is it his policies or simply his background? As far as policies, Obama faces the most criticism for his desire to enact universal healthcare for all Americans.  Obamacare, as it is called, is the new red herring of our time.  Senator Joseph McCarthy would be having a field day if he lived in these times, surely calling every politician in favor of universal healthcare a Communist Pinko. However, universal healthcare is a standard in most other leading nations in the world, including Canada, England, France, Spain, and Argentina, among many more.  Otto von Bismarck, the first Chancellor of the German Empire, is credited with establishing a universal healthcare system in Germany in 1883 with the passage of the Health Insurance Bill. For those unfamiliar with German history, Adolf Hitler is often incorrectly pointed to as the source of such programs by the GOP, simply because he was a fascist. And let us not forget how the Republicans adore comparing Democrats (incorrectly, natch) to fascists. How simple it is for them.

Perhaps if education were up to appropriate standards, defining communism would not be difficult for many Americans.  Let us not forget that the United States ranks 31st in the world in K-12 education, 31st in mathematics, and 23rd in science. China is first in both science and mathematics.  For people who seem so concerned with the encroaching power of China, this country continually lacks the interest in upping the standards for education, and funding for schools and the salaries of teachers continues to vaporize. Currently, Great Britain, Japan, and Germany are the top-ranked nations in the world for education. Is it not fascinating how the country we once rebelled against continues to outperform us in this way? Barack Obama believes in the power of education to allow any American to achieve great things. Mr. Obama supports the continuation of Pell grants (Mr. Romney does not), which allow for the poorest students to receive education funding, the continuation of low-interest Federal student loans for millions of students who need them, and increasing standards in all American classrooms.  Mr. Obama is a product of what a good education can do for any American.  What is truly sad is when people like Donald Trump demand to see Mr. Obama’s college transcripts.  Not only would this prove that Mr. Obama was an excellent scholar, but it would also show the stupidity leading the GOP. I am sure if Mr. Obama’s transcripts revealed an “A” in a topic like World History that he’d be deemed a communist for even knowing about other countries. This is a society where ignorance is a celebrated quality and intellectuals face criticism for beng “elitists”.

What of women and their rights? Mitt Romney guarantees that he will dismantle Planned Parenthood. Millions of women depend on Planned Parenthood not only for reproductive health, but for basic healthcare needs.  Women without insurance are able to go to Planned Parenthood for physicals and checkups if need be. And what of the right to an abortion, especially in cases of rape? Essentially, if the Romney/Ryan ticket wins, women will face the dangers of Roe v. Wade being overturned by the Supreme Court.  Romney and Ryan have been consistently inconsistent with their opinions on the reproductive rights of women, and the fact that some Republican politicians are even questioning how one defines rape is disgusting. As President Obama accurately and admirably stated, rape is rape. Women have fought for years in this nation for valuable rights that could disappear in an instant next week. If you are a woman, your vote will count toward your physical autonomy and well-being – please choose wisely. Women should also consider the magnitude of President Obama signing the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act into law in 2009.  This historic act shows President Obama’s interest in the plight of women in the U.S. Mr. Obama will continue to place the interests of women in a high spot. Do not discount this when you step into the voting booth.

Also keep in mind that Mr. Obama is in support of the repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act, which currently defines marriage as an institution that takes place between one man and one woman. Instead, Mr. Obama supports the Respect for Marriage Act, which would recognize the legality of same-sex marriages. Naturally, the GOP cannot stand for this, and in their eyes, Mr. Obama must be stopped. It is amazing how our nation is in conflict regarding basic civil rights that are recognized by many other nations. Mr. Obama’s forward-thinking attitude and willingness to fight for the defenseless is highly admirable.

Finally, there is the issue of the economy.  Mr. Obama inherited an economy ravaged by policies passed by the GOP. If any President can be held accountable for the economy, it is George W. Bush, who enacted numerous tax cuts that benefitted all Americans yet inflated the national debt by $4.08 trillion, or approximately 40.8% from the years 2001 through 2007.  Naturally, Republican supporters thought nothing of these precarious tax cuts when they continued to receive their child tax credits or other tax credits that kept them afloat in these years.  However, now that the distrustful Kenyan is in office, it is all his fault that the ravaged economy is not magically fixed in four short years.  In spite of inheriting one of the worst economic landscapes of all time, Mr. Obama has kept the economy afloat.  In remembering that Mr. Bush advocated an Ownership Society, in which home ownership was the cornerstone for the entirety of the 2000s, one may note that the essential failure of the economy was the failure of sub-prime mortgages and the inability of the Bush administration to regulate the companies who were lending them to most everyone. These facts are conveniently lost to history, and Mr. Obama continues to bear the brunt of the blame for the flailing economy.  President Obama wishes to raise taxes on the wealthy and keep them the same for the middle and lower classes, something that has never crossed the mind of Romney, whose tax policy, which has no named numbers, resembles something of Reagan’s trickle-down policies that were in effect during the Cold War. Trickle-down economics is the practice of lowering taxes for the wealthy with the belief that it will benefit poor members of society. Simply put, it does not work.  Mr. Romney, who apparently paid only a paltry 13.9% in taxes on his income of $20.9 million, seems to think otherwise. This is less than the tax rate of the middle class, with those making between $36,000 and $86,000 paying 25% in taxes. How is that even legal? This fact is a major red flag that many are choosing to ignore simply due to a lack of support for Mr. Obama because he people view him as “un-American,” “communist”, and “socialist”.

What I believe truly bothers many Americans (at least those with half a brain), is how President Barack Obama stands for the interests of  what is often termed the other in many a liberal arts settings; this otherness is represented in the form of loving someone of your same-sex, possessing a uterus, or appearing ethnic in any way.  The problem is that what the Republicans still consider the other, is now the mainstream.  The United States is diversifying at a rapid pace, and Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan have no use for women, homosexuals, blacks, or Latinos, among others.  They do not care if you vote for them. Why? Because they possess the audacity to believe that an election may be purchased.

Do not give them the pleasure of thinking that a suitcase full of money can buy the highest office in the land; Romney and Ryan are holding a gun to the temple of Lady Liberty and threatening to pull the trigger. Do not become one of their fatalities.  Why is no one questioning the supposed amazing “arithmetic” of their economic plans? Why is no one asking about their real plans for Social Security, Medicare, and countless other essential government programs? Why is no one questioning the fact that Mr. Romney appears to have no real grasp on foreign policy issues pertinent to these volatile times?

Who are Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan and what do they stand for? Well, they’re just educated, upper-class, Christian, American white men. What harm could they do? Certainly no more than the formerly middle class, educated, Christian, American black man whom we call Mr. President. Racism is alive in well in America; do not let it win on November 6th.

The author of Fixed Air officially endorses Barack Obama for reelection.

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Book Deals Are Like Penises: I Don’t Have One, and that Makes Me Sad Sometimes.

10 Oct

No, this entry is not about my desire to be a man.  This serves more as a platform for me lamenting my seeming lack of achievement in the literary world thus far.  It seems like every young blogger or tweeter or tumblrer is getting a book deal these days. Books. You know, those things people don’t read anymore because they can’t sell them in any place but Barnes and Noble. Which is a bookstore. There used to be another one of its kind, called Borders.

No?

Nevermind.

Young Emma Koenig has a book based on her Tumblr, “Fuck! I’m in My 20’s!” Christian Lander got a book deal after starting ‘Stuff White People Like,” a personal favorite of mine. Even Hannah Horvath has a book deal now! Sigh.

What makes a blog so intriguing that it ends up deserving its own book? I totally understand SWPL, but it was “Fuck! I’m in My 20s!” that made me more befuddled. As I kept clicking through the pages of “Fuck! I’m in my twenties!” I kept wondering, what the hell is so bad about being in your twenties? It’s an amazing time of self-exploration, of deciding what to do, where to live, and who to date. What can possibly be all that bad? Moments of self-doubt, worry, and sadness will surely come and go, but I doubt that those things magically stop when the clock strikes 30.

If there is one thing I have learned from being a young professional in the legal field, it’s that having a penis will take you far in your career.  At least I can buy a penis if I wanted one. Money cannot buy a book deal. Or can it? [Insert obligatory comment on the unfairness of nepostism here.] Either way, I do have several ideas for books I plan on writing, hopefully before the sand in the hourglass runs down to the final grain.

Also getting a book deal is voice of a generation Lena Dunham, whose $3.5 million deal with Random House probably breaks some sort of record.  I really like Lena Dunham, but at the same time, I kind of hate her. I was simply born to the wrong family, or I did something wrong in a past life. Even though her parents are artists that many people have never heard of, they likely know people who know people who fuck people who know people. It’s all who you know. I need to know more people. Where do people who know people congregate?  I would like to find this place and write a brilliant expose on the truth about nepotism for Gawker. This will happen.

Anywho, I am using this entry to announce that I will be beginning work on on a book titled I’m Not Lena Dunham and Other Mistakes I Made Thus Far in Life.  This book is forthcoming from the shoddy copier in my office and will be printed whenever my boss is on vacation. There will be chapters about sex. Please buy it, or at least pick up the tear-soaked copies that will eventually be left on the tables of every Starbucks west of the Mississippi. I have a plan, bitches. But I don’t have a peen.

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The Master & Other Things That Make Middle America Uncomfortable

28 Sep

Joaquin Phoenix and Philip Seymour Hoffman in The Master.

After reading various inadequate reviews of PT Anderson’s The Master, my urge to comment on what I believe is one of the most subtly brilliant films of the year is more pressing than ever.  When I saw the film last night, several people in the theater proclaimed that The Master was in fact “the worst movie” they had ever seen.  Let us keep in mind that I saw this film at a Cinemark chain theater in suburban Colorado Springs. When I saw PT Anderson’s last film, There Will Be Blood, it was in a room full of aspiring filmmakers and writers at NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts.  These are extremely different environments for watching film, and I suppose my privilege is showing when I say that watching a film at NYU’s premiere arts school is much preferred over sharing a room with baby boomers whose biggest concern is living long enough to be able to collect their Social Security benefits.  My mother, bless her sweet soul, said she “should have seen the new Viola Davis movie about the teachers.” Sorry mother, but not every movie is about feeling good, nor should it be.

The Master opens with a stunning shot of an ocean’s blue-white tide, stirred by the engines of a World War II naval ship, the USS Missouri.  Freddie Quell, an emaciated, decidedly creepy-looking Joaquin Phoenix, is aboard the ship, at one point laying in a crooked Christ-like repose on the bow. Quell, we learn right away, is a severe alcoholic and a sexual deviant of sorts. In one of the opening scenes, Quell climbs atop a nude woman molded from the sands of whatever Pacific beach he and his fellow seamen camp out on, thrusting excitedly, much too excitedly for the amusement of his peers.

When Quell gets discharged from the Navy as the war ends, his mental state is evaluated by a Naval officer.  The officer shows Quell a series of Rorschach ink blots, with Quell’s descriptive answers consisting of “a pussy, a cock going into a pussy,” and a “cock upside down”. Something is wrong with this guy. Perhaps we should already know that, considering he drained the chemicals out of a warhead to get drunk.

When Quell returns to civilian life, he gets a shit job as a photographer in a department store, forced to experience the happiness of others through a lens. One day, he loses it, and gets in a fight with a male customer who says the picture is for his wife.  Quell, perhaps feeling tinges of jealousy due to his lack of real intimacy with a woman, attacks the man and runs away, embarking on a journey that will bring him to the mercy of Lancaster Dodd (Philip Seymour Hoffman), the charismatic leader of The Cause. Stumbling onto a party yacht carrying Dodd and his family on the eve of the wedding of his young daughter Elizabeth (Ambyr Childers), Quell imbibes amongst the group until he blacks out, not recalling that he inquired of Lancaster whether any work was available.  What happens next is the beginning of an odd tale of love and commitment, acted out between two very different men.  Dodd, subjecting Freddie to his introductory methods of questioning known as Processing, asks Quell a series of questions, often repeating them until he elicits the response he wants. It is at this point that we learn some deep dark secrets about Quell, although they are not exactly shocking.

It should be remarked that at this time in the film, it is 1950.  The way that year is repeated throughout the film by various characters, though especially by Dodd and his wife Peggy (Amy Adams). 1950 is a hallmark year in movements for self-improvement.  In 1950, L. Ron Hubbard published his work Dianetics, which would lead to the establishment of Scientology as a formal religious movement. The parallels between Dodd and Hubbard are not glaringly obvious, and although The Master is called “PT Anderson’s Scientology film,” the movie does not insult Scientology nor make any overt comments on it.  However, Dodd and Hubbard can both be seen as charismatic, elusive individuals. As the film unfolds, we see Dodd questioned by several supporting characters, perhaps mirroring Hubbard’s experience as being deemed a charlatan in his formative years.  Hubbard, initially a writer of serial pulp fiction articles, was once quoted as saying, “writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion.”

Dodd, perhaps taking a page from Hubbard, promotes The Cause as a method of self-improvement for man, a way of separating oneself from animals.  Dodd refers to Quell as an animal at several points in the film, further indicating the connection of Phoenix’s character as an id. Dodd, quite naturally, acts as the super-ego attempting to control the wild Quell.

Another interesting item of note is PT Anderson’s choice of casting redheads in the three main female roles – Adams, Childers, and Madisen Beaty, playing Doris, the inappropriately-aged love interest of Phoenix – are all pale redheads. However, in spite of the presence of these women, the real love story is between Freddie and Dodd. Both men form a dependence on one another, although the connection seems stronger for Dodd.

The Master is a veritable example of acting at its best and its worst. Not only do I feel Joaquin Phoenix deserves one of those little gold men we call Oscar, but I also feel it’s clear that his performance in The Master is one almost specially crafted for that express purpose. There is always something irritating about those films that arrive every fall and feature period costumes and people staring intensely at one another; almost in an attempt to make staring a requirement for winning acting awards.

The deep symbolism of The Master is too much to comment on in its entirety, but it is important to note that many critics do not adequately explore the symbolic and metaphoric meaning behind films today. Instead, they often pander to audiences who may find films completely enigmatic.  One critic, Lisa Kennedy  of The Denver Post, actually wrote in her review ‘Why are these women naked, you may find yourself asking.” Really? Are people asking this or do critics simply not give enough credit to filmgoers today? The scene Ms. Kennedy references has Quell envisioning the women at a party scene entirely naked, including Amy Adams, the pregnant wife of Lancaster Dodd.  This scene further solidifies Quell’s unshakeable status as representative of the id which Dodd so greatly despises. Quell, ever the animal, views this party as little more than an opportunity to get laid.

Perhaps the most-asked question about The Master is whether or not the film is about Scientology. Yes, and no. The many hints made by Seymour’s character toward a cult-like religion birthed from a book are quite enough, but they never cross the line into specificity.  To continue discussing the finer points of PT Anderson’s The Master would be a pointless exercise. Anyone who can find the motive to see the film in the first place is likely inclined toward dramatic, complicated films. However, if you find yourself walking out of the theater while saying “This is the worst movie I have ever seen!”, Dredd 3D will likely be playing a few screens down.

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Paul Ryan Says He Climbed 40 Fourteeners. Paul Ryan is Confused.

5 Sep

So, Paul Ryan. Who is this guy? Is there more to him than looking like a well-fed Crispin Glover? Seriously, did his wife like him because he resembled George McFly?

Paul Ryan says things. He says a lot of scary things. Perhaps the most scary things he discusses are blatant lies about his personal achievements. The other day on The Ed Show, Ryan’s lie about his personal best marathon time was revealed. Ryan claimed that he ran a marathon in “2 hours and fifty-something” minutes, but Ed, researching the matter, found evidence that Ryan actually ran a marathon in 1990 with a time of 4 hours and one minute. Ryan surely thinks highly of himself.

Paul’s latest lie? Claiming that he’s climbed “close to 40” of Colorado’s fourteeners, meaning mountains that are taller than 14,000 feet. Having grown up in Colorado, and in spite of not being a climber, I am aware of the effort it takes to commit oneself to climbing ALL of Colorado’s 53 fourteeners.  Most people who set out to climb all of these mountains are residents, and often plan out how to climb them all ahead of time. I know one resident who has lived in Colorado for 8 years and has climbed only 15 14-ers, mostly due to other time commitments and constraints.  If Paul Ryan is a Congressman, like he claims, then how could he possibly have time to climb 40 Colorado fourteeners without living there?

Obviously there are more questions that need to be asked of Paul Ryan. Does he really like Ayn Rand? Does he know Ayn Rand probably would not like him? Is he kidding when he says Rage Against the Machine is his favorite band? Are him and the P90X guy BFFs?

So. Many. Questions.

Oxymorons in the Year 2012: “Young Republican”

25 Aug

Ah, election year! That scent is in the air once more! What is it, do you ask? Oh that’s right, it’s the smell of horse shit, wafting directly from computer screens across America! Lovely!

What is it about Facebook that makes people want to get political? After all, is it not possible that there are people who do not want to read/see/hear/”like” your opinion? It’s not an anonymous forum, and many people should really consider what they post on Facebook if they want to keep their personal and private lives separate. With that being said, I fell obligated to respond to a post made by a former high school classmate a few evenings ago on Facebook. We shall call her Ms. Smith.

Here is a screenshot of the post, with name and photograph redacted for privacy:

I believe Ms. Smith is referring to the Dream Act, which allows young immigrants, most of whom came to the U.S. as children, to obtain work permits and continue their education by remaining in the country. The Dream Act, while controversial, is simply extending benefits to those young people who came to this country not by their own choice, but by that of their parents. Why shouldn’t these young immigrants have a chance at success? If one is capable of completing college, but does not have the opportunity due to place of birth, then many other complications may arise.  Nothing is worse than unrealized potential. There are plenty of young people native to this country who do not take advantage of the educational system here.  I would also say that many young Americans feel entitled to have things with little to no work – a college degree, that dream job that pays six figures, home ownership, and a collection of diamond grills. Our forefathers based this country’s legislation on the premise of equal opportunity for all – not to mention the fact that we are all descended from immigrants (not counting those who are Native American). What is the real issue here?

At first I felt very angry about what she said, but now, after digesting it a bit, I feel very sorry for her. Not only is she dismissing these so-called “illegals” who are apparently impeding on her life, but she also goes on to accuse them of attempting to “utilize our education system, use our medical care and now take our jobs” in a subsequent comment.  Good god, they’re going to take my job!!!

First off, what amazing education system are they taking advantage of? The educational system in this country is broken, and going to college is nothing but  a faraway dream for a growing number of Americans. The real issue that needs to be discussed during this election year is the growing student loan debt bubble, which many economists will be next to burst following the housing market that imploded in 2008. Another thing that concerns many is Republican Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan’s proposal to slash Pell Grants.  For those of you with too much privilege to Google, Pell Grants are rewarded to those students with the smallest of incomes, and often to the poorest families in America. Without this funding, great minds may be destined to languish.  There is, after all, great potential within children of every social class.  Unfortunately, our higher educational system is designed to benefit the rich.  Elite private colleges cost upwards of $60,000 per year to attend. This is out of reach for most people, and especially for the middle class.  The rich want to keep opportunity to themselves, and that is what is really at issue in the tone of Ms. Smith’s post.

Second, jobs. What sorts of jobs do many illegals perform? I’ll give you a hint. Most of them do not require letters after your name. Illegals perform many of the lowest jobs that most Americans would likely never take. Some examples: dishwasher, strawberry picker, sketchy construction jobs that often involve waiting on the side of a road for someone to pick them up for a day of work, laundry worker, etc. Most Americans would find this work “insulting” and “beneath them”. However, many of these jobs entail hard, honest work. The concept of working hard is being lost on young Americans at a rapid pace.

Immigrants are not COMPETING with me or Ms. Smith. They are trying to survive, and trying to have something that the ancestors of all Americans fought for in the past.  Many illegals are escaping horrible conditions and the possibility of a violent death.

What is the source of immigrant hate? The simple answer is racism, but I will not seek to make such a blanket statement. Another reasonable explanation, in my mind, is that very few people know what real struggle is. Until you’ve known what it’s like to wonder if you’ll have electricity, running water, or a decent meal, you likely have no right to judge people who legitimately benefit from social programs like food stamps, welfare, and unemployment benefits.

How did Ms. Smith’s Facebook adventure end the other night? Let’s have a look!

Ms. Smith’s response to one of her friends is the bottom portion of this screen shot. After the friend tried to talk some sense into her, she went on to say that she supports repealing an unemployment benefits extension. Blech. She then says, “Let’s get out (sic) people working, and get then (sic) working as soon as possible!” Oh my! Is it that simple? Where are these jobs? Let’s send all the 12.8 million unemployed Americans to these amazing jobs!!! Where are they?

Hey Paul Ryan, what do you think? Can we get these people to work?

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Ryan Lochte: Damn That Boy is Fine, Like A Ticket on the Dash

2 Aug

Bam! Ryan Lochte’s bod.

Am I the only person who was crazy about Ryan Lochte four years ago? I noticed his talent almost right away at the last Olympics, but Michael Phelps mania dominated the 2008 Beijing Olympics. This time it is Lochte’s  turn for some attention.  Even though he failed to win gold in the men’s 4x100m Freestyle Relay, and had to settle for silver, Lochte continues to prove that he’s worked very hard to get ready to win some medals. However, there is tremendous backlash regarding Ryan’s personal choices and manner of dress.  Today, Jezebel gave us “10 Reasons Why Ryan Lochte is America’s Sexiest Douchebag.” Poor Ryan. Poor, sexy Ryan.

Many women seem very confused over their attraction to a guy who readily admitted that having a girlfriend during the Beijing Olympics sucked: “My last Olympics, I had a girlfriend — big mistake. Now I’m single, so London should be really good. I’m excited.” Uh-oh. Someone’s excited to get their fornication on!

Do I feel as though Lochte fits the criteria for being a douchebag? I think not, given my track record with men. I tend to love those lovable dumb jock types. Plus, women may not admit it, but there is usually something about THAT guy. You know, the one who wears his collar popped after 2005.  The guy who asks if you own a pair of white jeans, leaving you befuddled.  The guy who stares at you in silence when you tell him that your favorite book is not by Tucker Max. Douchebags need lovin’ too.

But what is it about Lochte that is causing such a stir, especially among women?  Sure, there are some things that are different about Ryan in this Olympics.  A better haircut, an improved physique, and a general confidence that can either help or hurt him in competition. But I feel as though Lochte very may well be at the peak of his hotness.

Lochte is hot. Really, really hot. Sometimes I can’t believe how beautiful this man really is. There are many things about his personality that are just kind of…different.

On one of the first nights of NBC’s London Olympics coverage, an interview of Ryan Lochte by John McEnroe aired. Lochte showed of his bedroom-sized closet (which contained more shoes than many women own), his collection of diamond-encrusted grills, and his skateboarding skills.  He even showed off a pair of custom sneakers with ‘Ryan” emblazoned on the sole of the right shoe, and “Lochte” on the left. He explained that if it was raining outside, these shoes would help identify his presence. Clever.

Although the Olympic Committee banned Lochte from wearing his grills during medal ceremonies, Lochte’s signature grill this year featured an American flag design by Paul Wall. Blasphemous? Perhaps. Do I forgive him? A thousand times yes.

Ryan even has a signature phrase, “jeah,” which is exactly what it sounds like – “yeah” with a j sound. Here’s a video of Ryan saying “jeah” in a multitude of styles:

That was nice, Ryan. Now take off your pants.

Ryan’s favorite rapper is Lil’ Wayne (who doesn’t like some Weezy?) and he has dreams of being a fashion designer. In spite of all of his quirks, Ryan is basically that lovable guy who is not the brightest, but he clearly loves his life and what he does. His confidence makes him attractive.

Criticizing Lochte for his likes and dislikes does not diminish the amazing work he’s done to prepare for these Olympics. Lochte is an amazing athlete and a highly decorated Olympian.  He’s brought a lot of attention to his sport this year, wich is commendable considering how little people actually respect swimming. Plus, in the looks department, he’s the Michael Phelps of looking good.

Ryan Lochte. I’d hit that.

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Please Donate to Support Caleb Medley

25 Jul

One of the victims in last week’s Aurora, Colorado movie theater shooting was Caleb Medley, an aspiring comedic performer who recently moved to Denver to further his career. In a matter of seconds, Caleb’s life completely changed.

Caleb Medley

 

When gunfire rang out in the theater, Caleb was one of the patrons injured. Caleb’s injuries are very grave – he was shot in the face and has had to have his right eye removed.  Doctors have also said that he is brain damaged. He will require ongoing medical care and will be in the ICU for at least two more weeks. Caleb does not have health insurance. The huge expenses of Caleb’s care will likely be millions of dollars.

Caleb’s wife Katie was scheduled to be induced to give birth to their first son last Sunday.  Katie, who was in the theater with Caleb, was uninjured. Katie gave birth to a healthy baby boy named Hugo on Tuesday.

Katie and Hugo Medley

If you would like to help lessen some of the burden for Caleb and Katie, donations can be made to a fund at the following address:

Support Caleb Medley

c/o Canon National Bank

401 East Main Street

Florence, CO 81226

The fundraising efforts are being undertaken by one of Caleb’s friends, Mike West. You can email him with questions at westicules@yahoo.com.

I am posting this in the hope that some of my friends in the performing arts and comedy professions will also spread the word. Thank you for reading!!!

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The Worst Proposal Ever

25 Jul

As one who has spent much of their time in Colorado, I wanted to comment on the horrific shooting that took place last Thursday night in Aurora, Colorado.  Not only is this a terrible thing to happen in Colorado, but it also highlights some of the issues concerning background checks for guns and mental health awareness in our community, country, and world.  As horrible as last week’s events are, it is clear that James Holmes, who will likely end up being tried for the deaths of 12 people, had major problems.

In addition to the problems that lead up to the events last week, one story in particular caught my eye. 25-year-old Jamie Rohrs, boyfriend to Patricia Legarreta, was in the theater with said girlfriend, their infant son, Ethan, and Laegaretta’s other young daughter.  As soon as the gunman shows up, what does Rohrs do? He runs! With baby Ethan! Then, over the next confused moments, Rohrs misplaces his baby son and runs right out of the theater, leaving Patricia and the kids behind. The Denver Post describe’s Rohrs’s confusion:

Rohrs still isn’t sure how he lost Ethan. One moment he was in his arms; the next, he was gone. Rohrs hurtled over some seats, found his way to the stairway, and ran.

Let’s review. Jamie picked up Ethan, panicked, put him back down on the ground, and ran out. Then he proceeded to make his way to the parking lot, and drove away.

Of course there is no way for someone who was not in the theater to possibly understand the horror of what was going on. We will never be able to predict how we would have reacted in such a situation. However, this poor woman, struggling with her decision to either run out of the theater or stay and possibly become a victim alongside her two young children, was abandoned by her boyfriend. Patricia made the split-second decision to run out with her children, and was injured by schrapnel in the process. She was later reunited with the uninjured Rohrs outside of the the theater.

Then Rohrs, realizing somewhere in his head that he cannot live without Patricia and their children, (unless someone starts shooting at them, then he is running up out of that bitch), proposed to his girlfriend in the hospital. She said yes.

Maybe everything is fine and dandy with their relationship, but it really makes for an awkward retelling of how you got engaged. “Oh, you know, after Jamie left me behind in the bullet-riddled theater with our helpless children, he decided we should get married!”

It also doesn’t help Jamie look any more manly when Patricia comes across as completely cool-headed in this interview with Piers Morgan, while Jamie cries on national television. Good luck to them both.

There is credit due to 19-year-old Jarrell Brooks, who helped Patricia run to safety from the movie theater. Brooks is recovering from a gunshot wound at home.

 

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The Newsroom: Aaron Sorkin Forgets What Year It Is

24 Jun

The cast of HBO’s The Newsroom, looking Sorkinish.

Watching The Newsroom, Aaron Sorkin’s new HBO series following the misadventures of a Keith Olberman-like cable news anchor (Jeff Daniels), is like being subjected to a horrible children’s show without the pleasure of a cartoon dog. Aaron Sorkin attempted the show-within-a-show genre before in 2006 with Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. That show, which you may not remember, failed miserably when it tried to be edgy and smart.

Sorkin is at it again, writing characters who are so unrealistically sharp and quick that their believability is lost when “Written by Aaron Sorkin” appears across the screen.  The way the actors yip their dialogue at each other with such violent speed leaves no time for anything to be absorbed.  The audience is left behind to try to piece together everything that’s just been said as the dialogue continues barreling onward.

The biggest problem with the show is that it takes place two years in the past. I have no idea why and I don’t care to find out why, but the main action of the pilot centers on the news of the Deepwater Horizon oil spill.  That’s right, the breaking news on The Newsroom happened over two years ago!!! Amazing! Maybe Sorkin is going to try some sort of time-jumping plotting, but I truly doubt that The Newsroom will end up being a science fiction show.

Here’s a sample of Jim Harper (Hello, Jim Halpert!?! Too close!) explaining the seriousness of the oil spill to Will McAvoy (Jeff Daniels), anchor of News Night on ACN:

Jim: “They don’t know how to cap the well.”

Will: “Why is this well different from other wells?”

Jim: “It’s depth.”

Riveting.

Another issue in the show is the way the female characters speak. In true Aaron Sorkin style, there are two female characters and everyone else has a penis.  Those female characters are Mackenize (Emily Mortimer) and Maggie (Erin Andrews). Could those names be more “Most Popular Names for Children of Yuppies 2007”? Mackenzie dated McAvoy one million years ago (but of course it is a HUGE deal) and is now his executive producer on News Night. She spent her last few assignments in Iraq and is our solitary strong female character, even though she spends the episode whining about McAvoy going on vacation with Erin Andrews. Our other female character is Maggie Jordan (ew), played by Allison Pill. Maggie, most naturally, obsesses over relationships just like Mackenzie. How much penis worship can Sorkin force these two ladies to spew out? Not enough, as the first episode indicates.

Another tired Sorkin standard is the use of camera zooms to emphasize tension between characters and in the story.  If a character says something that is should be perceived as dramatic or intense in any way, the camera will quickly zoom in on their face and then pull back.  This happened at least twenty times in the pilot episode. That zoom is played out, Sorkin.

The Newsroom is another show about a TV show that fails to capture anything relevant.  The fact that the plot of the show centers on an event so far in the past (though not too far as to diminish the impact of the disaster) makes it feel stale and irrelevant.  And who is Jeff Daniels playing? I sense a strong scent of Olbermann with a hint of Bill O’Reilly, without the extreme conservative bent. Supposedly he is a right-leaning journalist, but we have not seen that quite yet. When McAvoy refers to the one minority character (Dev Patel, although I am not counting the nameless black man) on the show as Punjab, that O’Reilly scent arises once more. In any case, Jeff Daniels does not look as serious as the man he is trying to play. He also looks like he had some botox, but that’s just my opinion.

Should you watch The Newsroom? Meh. The Newsroom airs Sunday nights at 10 PM EST on HBO.

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Wildfire on the Edge of Colorado Springs

24 Jun

Yesterday as I was leaving the gym I noticed a large plume of smoke rising from the top of a mountain at the western edge of Colorado Springs.  Huge bright red flames rose from the mountain.  The fire, deemed the Waldo Canyon Fire, grew the rest of the night and into this morning.  Thousands of residents of Manitou Springs and the westside of Colorado Springs were ordered to evacuate.  Temperatures will rise to close to 99 degrees today, which only makes this situation more dire.

Here are some close-ups of the fire burning just a few miles away:

Wildfire burning in Waldo Canyon, on the edge of Colorado Springs.

UPDATES: Earlier today a mandatory evacuation was put in effect for residents of Manitou Springs. I just heard that the authorities lifted the evacuation order for tonight. Perhaps that is a good sign.

I went to the office for a few hours today only to leave and see the city covered in smoke. Stay inside if you can and try not to breathe in the smoke.

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