Ryan Lochte: Damn That Boy is Fine, Like A Ticket on the Dash

2 Aug

Bam! Ryan Lochte’s bod.

Am I the only person who was crazy about Ryan Lochte four years ago? I noticed his talent almost right away at the last Olympics, but Michael Phelps mania dominated the 2008 Beijing Olympics. This time it is Lochte’s  turn for some attention.  Even though he failed to win gold in the men’s 4x100m Freestyle Relay, and had to settle for silver, Lochte continues to prove that he’s worked very hard to get ready to win some medals. However, there is tremendous backlash regarding Ryan’s personal choices and manner of dress.  Today, Jezebel gave us “10 Reasons Why Ryan Lochte is America’s Sexiest Douchebag.” Poor Ryan. Poor, sexy Ryan.

Many women seem very confused over their attraction to a guy who readily admitted that having a girlfriend during the Beijing Olympics sucked: “My last Olympics, I had a girlfriend — big mistake. Now I’m single, so London should be really good. I’m excited.” Uh-oh. Someone’s excited to get their fornication on!

Do I feel as though Lochte fits the criteria for being a douchebag? I think not, given my track record with men. I tend to love those lovable dumb jock types. Plus, women may not admit it, but there is usually something about THAT guy. You know, the one who wears his collar popped after 2005.  The guy who asks if you own a pair of white jeans, leaving you befuddled.  The guy who stares at you in silence when you tell him that your favorite book is not by Tucker Max. Douchebags need lovin’ too.

But what is it about Lochte that is causing such a stir, especially among women?  Sure, there are some things that are different about Ryan in this Olympics.  A better haircut, an improved physique, and a general confidence that can either help or hurt him in competition. But I feel as though Lochte very may well be at the peak of his hotness.

Lochte is hot. Really, really hot. Sometimes I can’t believe how beautiful this man really is. There are many things about his personality that are just kind of…different.

On one of the first nights of NBC’s London Olympics coverage, an interview of Ryan Lochte by John McEnroe aired. Lochte showed of his bedroom-sized closet (which contained more shoes than many women own), his collection of diamond-encrusted grills, and his skateboarding skills.  He even showed off a pair of custom sneakers with ‘Ryan” emblazoned on the sole of the right shoe, and “Lochte” on the left. He explained that if it was raining outside, these shoes would help identify his presence. Clever.

Although the Olympic Committee banned Lochte from wearing his grills during medal ceremonies, Lochte’s signature grill this year featured an American flag design by Paul Wall. Blasphemous? Perhaps. Do I forgive him? A thousand times yes.

Ryan even has a signature phrase, “jeah,” which is exactly what it sounds like – “yeah” with a j sound. Here’s a video of Ryan saying “jeah” in a multitude of styles:

That was nice, Ryan. Now take off your pants.

Ryan’s favorite rapper is Lil’ Wayne (who doesn’t like some Weezy?) and he has dreams of being a fashion designer. In spite of all of his quirks, Ryan is basically that lovable guy who is not the brightest, but he clearly loves his life and what he does. His confidence makes him attractive.

Criticizing Lochte for his likes and dislikes does not diminish the amazing work he’s done to prepare for these Olympics. Lochte is an amazing athlete and a highly decorated Olympian.  He’s brought a lot of attention to his sport this year, wich is commendable considering how little people actually respect swimming. Plus, in the looks department, he’s the Michael Phelps of looking good.

Ryan Lochte. I’d hit that.

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One Response to “Ryan Lochte: Damn That Boy is Fine, Like A Ticket on the Dash”

  1. Nenita bencic August 16, 2015 at 1:42 PM #

    He is hot!

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