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The Average American?

23 Jan
President Barack Obama

I am writing today in response to a question put forth by Jarred Rego, host of “The Jarred Rego Show” on Colorado Springs 740 KVOR.  Today Jarred asked his listeners whether they felt that Barack Obama could relate to the “average American”.  I called in with a bevy of facts and quotes at the ready. However, my call was not answered in time and I remained on hold for upwards of twelve minutes. Due to this mishap that I suspect could be a mishandling of calls, I will reassemble my argument here. 

 Jarred, what exactly constitutes the “average” American?  On your show today you implied that Barack Obama is an elitist simply due to the location of his upbringing: Hawaii. You asked, “I’ve never been to Hawaii. Have you guys ever been to Hawaii?”  By portraying the state of Hawaii as an exotic vacation destination (which to only a certain extent, it is), you are completely marginalizing facts about Hawaii that the “average” American will remain unaware of. I feel that your argument boils down to the claim that Barack Obama is an elitist who was fed liberal-Marxist propaganda due to his educational background.  

Do you want to know about the public education system in Hawaii? Only 21% of 8th grade students are proficient in math; a similar 20% figure accounts for proficiency in reading. In 2003, Hawaii’s public elementary schools ranked 44th out of 50 states on the Nation’s Report Card. In 2009, the Hawai’i Department of Education slashed the yearly number of instructional days from 180 to 163, which is the least amount of instructional days anywhere in the U.S. You may also want to note that the poverty rate in Hawaii is 10.4%, which places the state as 27th in poverty rankings.  The per capita income of Hawaii ranks 40th in the U.S. Hawaii is not a state composed of only the wealthy.  It is also vital to note that 73% of Hawaii’s population is non-white, and many of these persons are of indigenous origin to the Hawaiian islands.  

Students in Hawaii are not receiving the best education they can, but Barack Obama had the support of a family who wished for him to succeed. He attended a private preparatory college in Hawaii.  This is the key to Barack Obama’s success. We live in a country in which your education will either lead to amazing opportunity or massive failure. Even though there are many people who are successful without a college education, the idea that a college education is integral to success in America is poisoning mainstream ideals. Barack Obama chose success.  

I feel that I can comfortably state that I can relate to the “average” American. I can also relate to Barack Obama. My maternal grandparents arrived in the U.S. in the 1930’s as children from Cuba and Puerto Rico. By no means do I come from a lengthy line of wealthy people; my grandfather worked as a longshoreman on the docks of the East River and my grandmother worked as a cleaning woman.  

I know that the success I have had so far in life is due to the sacrifice of my grandparents and parents. My father grew up in an impoverished segment of Williamsburg, Brooklyn, while my mother lived in the projects of the Bronx.  My mother dropped out of college in the 1970’s to pay for an operation that my older brother desperately needed.  

However, each of my parents performed very well in school and were able to recognize that the best future for both myself and my sister was not in the New York City public school system. I know what it feels like to have to see your parents choose between which bills to pay for the month. I know what struggling truly is. I also recognize the great fortune that has been bestowed upon me in this life. Not only do I hold two degrees from one of the greatest universities in the world, but I also have the opportunity to achieve whatever it is I choose. There are people in America who will never dream of the things I have achieved in only a short 22 years. Is my success due to my racial background? (I am 1/8th African-American, if you must know.) Is my success due to my having a uterus? Is my success due to being raised in Colorado? There is not one factor that can be pinpointed as the source of my achievement. Do not single out Barack Obama’s home state of Hawaii as the source of his success. Most importantly, do not patronize Barack Obama for being a good student.  

As Nathaniel Hawthorne once scribed, “families are always rising and falling in America.” Barack Obama happened to catch a large tide. Do not assume anything about an individual’s background or upbringing.  

I ask you this question: Do you relate to the “average” American? And who is the “average” American?

UPDATE: Jarred Rego responded in the comments below but failed to answer any of my posed questions. How convenient of him.

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Don’t Take Your Anti-Semitic Friend to A Serious Man

22 Jan

Have you seen that new Cohen Brothers movie, A Serious Man? It’s about a Jewish man suffering an existential crisis in 1967 Minnesota. All of the characters in this film are Jewish, and Larry Gopnik’s friends and family are no exception. If you know anyone harboring some sort of anti-semitic tendency, do not take them to see this movie! My movie-watching adventure is marred by ignorance:

Before the film begins, my friend is texting away on her phone (“clickety-clack, clickety-clack,” that annoying sound that touch screen phones have eliminated) when she suddenly stops and turns to me to say:

“There’s no service in here!”

My response: “Does there need to be?”

Ignorant “Friend”: “Yes! I need to send a text!”

The situation continues to worsen. I feel like a kindergarten teacher cornered by a pack of kids whining about not getting their grubby hands on a pudding pack.

A trailer for the Philip Seymour Hoffman movie Pirate Radio runs, and a song by The Who plays overhead. My friend: “Oh my gosh! That’s the song from CSI!”

The situation has worsened! We have a rogue movie talker on our hands! (The multiple personalities in my head tend to get agitated in unison.) I will spare you the worst and provide another headdesk-worthy anecdote:

A scene in which Larry’s son is running to the school bus with Hebrew lettering on the side is on the screen. My friend: “Are they in Israel?” At this point I am shifting in my seat and trying to cover the side of my face with my hand – anything to pretend as though I did not just hear that.

Going to the movies is an exercise in patience. Do not bring serial texters, talkers, or those who do not know anything about The Who. Godspeed, fellow movie-lovers. Godspeed.

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Stuart Cobb: The Biggest Idiot I Know (At Least for Today)

21 Jan

I attended high school with the author of  a horrendously written “article” that is circulating the internet as an example of  the worst in college male misogynistic tendencies.  Stuart Cobb, a fool who lives up to the idiocy of being named  Stuart and born after 1954, wrote an entry for his recurring column (“Fancy That”) titled: “Seven women you meet at DU.”  I should preface my ribbing of Stuart’s awful work with the interesting coincidence that only two weeks before this piece found its way on one of my favorite blogs, Jezebel, that I had the displeasure of encountering Cobb at a friend’s house.

As a discussion emerged, we somehow landed on the topic of debutante balls. Stuart is an admitted guzzler of all things imbued with alcohol, and a womanizer who claims that he now has a girlfriend. I pity that poor girl, if she exists. I questioned Mr. Cobb on whether debutante balls are necessary in today’s world. His response: “I don’t know. You get free alcohol.”  I further pressed Cobb on how the female candidates are chosen for our area’s debutante balls.  Response: ‘Well, you know, they all come from families that have contributed a lot to the community. Mostly the Fine Arts Center.”  This was a terrible answer.  Multi-million dollar donations sustain the Fine Arts Center, and if these families wish to contribute to something worthwhile, perhaps they should look to give money to the homeless shelters around town and somehow contribute to the elimination of the growing tent cities that pepper the streets surrounding said Fine Arts Center. I made a final suggestion to Stuart: “Perhaps they should give their money to battered women.” Stuart’s response: “Whatever. I like the free booze and watching girls pass out when their dresses are too tight.”

That is a portrait of Stuart Cobb, the same author of an “opinion” piece entitled “Seven women you meet at DU.”  Stuart, without giving him any credit, made a shortlist of  stereotypes of college women. It is not the wording of Stuart’s “writing” that is offensive; it is the simple audacity that the author of such bullshit could believe that he is being completely original, when this is done over and over again (See: Tucker Max). Stuart Cobb is a completely self-assured dipshit. He knows that he’s a jerk, and he just doesn’t care.

On Saturday, The Clarion published a completely u letter of apology from Stuart.  This can only be a last-ditch effort for Stuart to somehow salvage a writing career from the damage he has caused – perhaps Stu will compile the auto sale listings for a third-tier paper in the midwest.  In this letter, Stuart claims that his plan all along was to write a similar list of the “Seven men you meet at DU.” I do not believe this for a damn milli-vanilli second. Stuart has a history of misogynistic writing under his belt – a trend that began when he wrote for the Cheyenne Mountain High School Chieftain.  Why would a young man so full of himself even dare to claim such an asinine intention? Stuart is glib and ignorant of the impact that words can have.

Only two days ago, Stuart issued another letter of apology that contained a resignation from his post as an opinion columnist for The Clarion.  Stuart is a senior.  He’s already had over three years to fill the student newspaper with his trash writing.  It hardly matters that he will no longer write during his last semester at DU.  It does matter, however, if Stuart miraculously stumbles upon a position at a legitimate journalistic source. Editors of the free world – do not hire Stuart Cobb. Not only is his writing sub par, but he will also offend women and men alike. There is one winner in this situation: Tucker Max has found a new bro.

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