If You Don’t Use Wet Wipes, Then You’re Disgusting

11 Jun

Everyone’s best friend.

I must comment on a debate that took place last week on Gawker.  John Cook came out in opposition to the use of wet wipes following bowel movements by grown adults.  This position automatically makes me assume that John Cook is a disgusting person who does not take any pride in his own cleanliness nor does he likely understand that women often use wet wipes, especially when they want to be fresh for ahem, extracurricular activities.

Really, a wet wipe is man’s best friend.  If you are not using them after pushing your digested meals out of your you-know-what, you are probably disgusting and no one wants to touch you anyway. So there. So suck it up and buy a cute little pre-packaged box of personal wipes. You need them.  Do not fool yourself into thinking that your two ply bulk toilet paper from Costco is good enough to keep things so fresh and so clean.

This message is especially important for all ladies.  Summer’s Eve and Always both make amazing feminine wipes to keep everything legit downstairs.  I’ve heard stories form guy friends about things that can go awry with ladyparts if one does not use wet wipes. Do not become a disastrous hygiene story that lingers for years. Wipe your shit! Literally and figuratively.

Team wet wipes forever.

This message is brought to you by indignation toward poor hygiene.

EDIT:  This post is primarily about using wet wipes after one takes a shit. Apparently, some feminist is upset that this post seems to be referring to women only using wet wipes. NO. Men, women and children should all use wet wipes to clean up after a movement. If you cannot understand this, then just go away.

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4 Responses to “If You Don’t Use Wet Wipes, Then You’re Disgusting”

  1. bambi June 11, 2013 at 1:33 AM #

    Reblogged this on Coffee and conversations and commented:
    Right. Okay. There are many things wrong with this post and I don’t even know where to start. I guess firstly the fact that the author never directly refers to the vagina as ‘the vagina’ – her preferred term is ‘things’. She likes to keep her ‘things’ fresh.
    Secondly, WHAT?! This is ridiculous. If a man doesn’t like the way your vagina smells then tell him to fuck off. You don’t see women demanding men to wear ball deodorants or wiping their dicks with any miracle wipes to ensure everything is beautiful and ‘fresh’. Here’s a newsflash – people smell. Everybody smells in their own particular way and that’s what makes us beautiful, unique adults. If someone doesn’t like it then that is their own problem. Until the moment all men start religiously spraying their balls with a rose scented anti-perspirant I will not subject my vagina to further infantalisation.

    • fixedair June 11, 2013 at 8:44 AM #

      Wow. You’ve missed the entire point of this post. First off, the use of the word “vagina” is not something that bothers me, but technically, the vagina is not what we are talking about here. We are talking about someone’s entire nether regions, all the way from their asshole up to their vulva. Vulva is more appropriate because it refers to the outside of a woman’s anatomy rather than the inside. That is your big mistake.

      Also, this has nothing to do with men telling you anything about the way your vagina smells. If you want to be smelly and sweaty in your private area, then by all means, you do that. This is about using wet wipes after you take a shit. Toilet paper – not good enough. Taking a shower after every time you shit – not likely possible.

      This post has nothing to do with the “infantilisation” of the vagina at all. This is a feminist blog that I started four years ago, but I do not discuss such First or Second Wave ideas. This blog is about sexual empowerment and confidence in one’s self.

      No one tells me how my “vagina” (again, substitute “vulva,” “ladyparts,” “genital area,” should be, and if they did, they would get slapped. However, people should probably take more pride with their hygiene, and it is no big deal to use a wet wipe to clean yourself. There are crevices and unpleasant smells that go on down there, and if you don’t have any, well then by all means, do not clean your perfect cotton-candy smelling vagina (again, “vagina” is the wrong word entirely.)

      You’ve missed the point completely. Thanks for playing though.

      • Bi August 5, 2013 at 12:45 AM #

        Totally agree with you fixedair. Love the article. Every clean woman who likes to smell good for herself and her man should use wet wipes. Fine you don’t need to use it at home because you can hop into the tub and clean your ass but that’s beside the point you were making. The comment above that people smell and yes they do and some people doesn’t have he natural good smell as they think they do so do the men a favor by clean that area or use wet wipe if you happen to have a quickie in the car whatsoever before he smells you. He would appreciate it a lot trust me. They just don’t tell you you stink that’s all. Dirty sex doesn’t mean smelly sex. I’m off track jow so good for you fixedair for writing this. Smelly people don’t have to agree 🙂

  2. Jina January 12, 2014 at 5:31 PM #

    Wet wipes aren’t healthy to use. They contain chemicals that mess up the natural bacteria that is found on your genitals.

    Also, wet wipes clog up toilets, since they don’t break up in water. Therefore you are disgusting if you use them, no one wants to see your poop floating around.

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